is anyone else feeling gaslit all the time lately? I'm wearing my mask everywhere I go, I don't touch it, I don't pull it down, I go out once every few weeks for supplies only. and then I see folks not wearing masks at all, throwing big house parties, and it makes me feel insane.
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Lane Moore
@hellolanemoore
Bestselling Author, You Will Find Your People + How To Be AloneHost of "I Thought It Was Just Me" podcast
Creator, Tinder Live
Musician 
Host of "I Thought It Was Just Me" podcast Creator, Tinder LiveMusician Lane Moore📚’s Tweets
Men what's stopping you from dressing like '80s horror movie hunks
Oldest daughters on their way to solve everyone's problems yet again because no one else will do it twitter.com/fashionfaguett
no one ever tells you how often you'll whisper "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to yourself as an adult and they really should
once I stop people-pleasing it's over for you bitches if that's ok with you, no worries if not!
if adults called you an "old soul" when you were a kid you're on at least one anti-depressant now
Netflix: “let’s get someone who fuckin hates Gossip Girl to write the description of Gossip Girl”
A man I don't know just made a really bad joke about me having a dog and for once, I didn't Polite Woman Laugh. I just stared at him like "are you happy you said that? Are you proud?" and he looked so stunned that I didn't Polite Woman Laugh. 20/10 recommend this method.
i told the bus driver he was hot when i got off the bus because life's short but now he's my driver on the way back too so turns out life is long
I'm just saying, I know a lot of lonely women and they're not out there assaulting people, or yelling at everyone that they're entitled to sex/connection, they're just adopting pets, rewatching tv shows they love, and eating snacks in peace.
I regret to inform you that my brain will think it's the year 2000 until the day I die. When is 30 years ago? 1970. How long ago were the '90s? 10 years ago. thank you for your understanding in this matter.
I just met a woman in a coffee shop because she pet my dog. We ended up talking and bonding for nearly 3 HOURS. Finally she said "So what's ur new book about?" And I said "uh..it's about making friends as an adult?" Her knees buckled and we both cackled for a full minute. A gift.
surviving your abuser didn't make you a "better person." going through trauma didnt "make you grow." it took away your joy, and your trust, it almost killed you, and it shouldn't have happened. if you grew or bloomed after, it was despite them and fully because ur fcking amazing.
instead of saying things like "your 30s are the new 20s!" what if we just stopped pretending that your 20s are the only good and worthwhile time in your life lol
sorry I can't talk right now im worrying about tasks i could easily complete but won't
if you're attracted to Pete Davidson, do not worry about what's in the vaccine
I'm walking with my chihuahua and a guy on the street said "yo, Taco Bell dog got a hot mom" and that's the only catcalling I will tolerate.
remember when we were kids and adults said your period was only a few days a month, but now ur an adult and you realize the week before your period sucks, the week of your period sucks, and sometimes the week after also sucks, leaving us with one week max of peace. lol what a con
i do not want to be "resilient" anymore I want to be a spoiled bitch
When I started writing my book about making friends as an adult, I called out capitalism + the insane hours we have to work, leaving us no time for community. Someone told me to remove it bc it's "irrelevant." I left it in. That is actually THE most relevant piece of the problem.
went to get blood drawn and the nurse mentioned her husband so I said "Aw what's it like being married to someone you really like?" and she said "girl I wouldnt know I'm leaving him after 17 years and he has no idea. I already got a new apartment. I want to be a ho." god is real.
guys i dont know how to tell you this but...you should've been regularly washing your hands this whole time
just ran into my neighbor and depression came up and i said "yeah meds aren't working, idk what to do" and she said "have a baby." and i said "like a human child?" and she said "yes. when i had 2 kids i never had time to be depressed." soo that is what i will be haunted by today.
if you still think your 20s are the best decade of your life, I urge you to watch The White Lotus and notice how little fun Portia and Albie are having. An accurate portrayal.
have you ever had a man "pretend" he's gonna hit you with his car or bike while you're walking, just to scare you? it happened to me just now, and it's happened to me before, and I have a feeling this is happening to lots of women and we just haven't talked about it
Burnout doesnt only come from working too much. It can also come from not being fairly compensated, having your efforts go unappreciated & navigating abuse/exploitation in ur industry. Sometimes it has nothing to do with work itself and everything to do with the system you're in.
seeing this photo just made me realize how rare it is to see a male actor over 40 dating a woman his own age AND I AM EXTEMELY FUCKING HERE FOR IT they look so happy!!!🙏🙏🙏
Someone just got thrown off my flight because their dog was barking too much & it was INSANE?! Then as soon as they got off the plane, I kid you not, the remaining dogs on board started barking, I think in solidarity, "That dog was our friend, we stand with him!!" they unionized
motion to erase "had sex with an underage girl" from our vocabulary and replace it with "raped a child."👋
*accidentally spends all my time making sure everyone around me feels comfortable, only to later realize I never felt comfortable the whole time*
being an adult is just constantly saying "just hang in there a little longer, buddy," like you're talking to a car you hope doesn't die on you except ur the car
happy pride to everyone who is celebrating by sitting inside and being queer the whole time🌈
what's a story behind a popular song that you think about often? mine is that the guy who wrote Hey There Delilah wasnt dating Delilah at all. He met her once & wrote the song & she was like "uh cool song about how we're in love please don't kill me haha". I think about it A Lot.
wow everything is canceled but we're still getting our periods? this is some bullshit.
dear corporations: if you're "experiencing higher than normal call volume" every time I call, then that IS your normal call volume, so maybe hire some more people
Every time someone, in any city, says "we're finally reopening" I look at them like they're excited about finally being allowed to walk back into a burning building. IT'S STILL ON FIRE, MY DUDE!!!
here's the thing about girls "not looking underage" and "she didn't tell me she was underage." I'm attracted to women. Not once in my life have I seen an under age girl and thought she looked like an adult. They ALL look like kids. Because they are, in fact, kids.
if Seth Rogen can confront 8 million frat guys about race, you can confront your 4 "basically good" grandparents about race
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me to me: why can't I exercise and drink enough water and socialize and cook healthy foods and clean everything and put together a cute outfit and get all my work done every day?
me to me: because ur depressed
me: oh
me to me: and that's too much shit for one person
me: ohhh
I love how lol went from meaning "laughing out loud" to meaning "I'm having a nervous breakdown oh well"
doing a cover of a song and changing the pronouns in the lyrics to make sure the listener knows you're straight should be punishable by death
dear person who recognized me at a coffee shop this morning and came up to tell me they really love my twitter: I was actually on a date when this happened, so thank you for making me feel very famous and intimidating and hot on my date lol
normalize re-gifting. honestly if you get an amazing gift you don't love, and you know i'd love it, i truly don't care that you didn't pay for it, or that someone else gave it to you first. capitalism told you it's only a gift if you paid $$$ for it, which is trash. re-gift away!
one of the coolest anxieties women get to constantly face is "am i being nice enough to this person who:
a.) is openly disrespecting me
b.) is not listening to me/making me repeat myself multiple times
c.) is openly harassing me
d.) is openly dismissing my needs
FUN!!!
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I was prepared for him to say "you have no sense of humor," so I could reply "I'm a professional comedian, sir, you're just not funny. The women in your life are faking it, probably in more ways than one," and then put on my sunglasses and disappear into the mist like a witch.
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People saying "Careful, he could've murdered you," WOMEN KNOW THAT. We are aware since birth that we have to Polite Woman Laugh so men don't hurt us. The point is: Women shouldn't have to cater to men constantly out of fear. We're tired of doing it. Let us live our fucking lives.
um if all this is true then Meghan Markle got away from her toxic family, toxic friends, & helped Harry realize his family is toxic to him/her & he was like "i love you let's make our own life without people who make us feel shitty" honestly this is the love story we need in 2020
here’s the thing about Natalie Portman & Moby. Even if she had “dated” him, she was 18, he was 34. I ”dated” 23 year olds when I was 14. I look back now & realize that was NOT dating & was older men being predatory. She isnt faking memory loss. She just finally realized the truth
tfw Florence Pugh perfectly describes why it's ridiculous that Greta Gerwig wasn't nominated for an Oscar for directing Little Women — a category wherein only men were nominated — and a movie about women's work not being deemed as valuable or important as men's work.
sorry i havent texted you back its just everything overwhelms me all the time
having anxiety is like constantly writing Am I The Asshole? posts in your own mind, about yourself, then reading your own post, responding to yourself, about yourself, and then repeating the process until it's time for bed
the word "slut" just means "a lot of people wanna give you orgasms and ur like "sure that sounds great" how is that bad
forget hot girl summer, this year we're doing Technically Alive Girl Summer, which is where we're all kinda tired and doing the best we can considering😎
they make it so hard for dogs to travel with you and yet there's a child on my flight who has screamed the whole time like a demon, and meanwhile look at this literal angel🤌
If you're rewatching Girls episodes lately, thank you. It is because of your 2010s nostalgia that I am halfway to being able to buy a NYC latte plus tip. keep it up.🙏🙏🙏
ok hear me out: a dating app that matches you with people who are taking the pandemic as seriously as you are
honestly, which is it: "America is the richest country in the world" or "America can't afford to pay all its citizens to stay home for 2 months while we stop the pandemic, so we can get back to normal faster, like many other countries have already successfully done?"
one of my favorite things about Schitts Creek is how they handle Stevie & Amir. They meet & it seems like he's the one. And then he's just an asshole. He doesnt magically change or try to win her back. He's just disappointing, it hurts &she moves on. THAT IS SO RARELY SHOWN IN TV
I Don't Like This Person At All, Yet Sometimes I Worry They Dont Like Me, Which Makes Me Very Stressed Even Though Again, I Do Not Like Them: A Novel By Me
Is anybody else finding that you're doing things you used to do before the pandemic, and they exhaust you 20x as much as they did before the pandemic?😅
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What I love is initially we only talked because of she liked my dog, and I was on hold with my doctor, so she joked about how bad healthcare is. Then she went to her table & I hoped she'd come talk to me again & she did.😍friend meetcutes are the best and I stand by this so much.
the oldest daughter will be like "I'm choosing not to have kids, due to I raised my entire family already."
the new trailer for The Craft is cool but I will forever be team "the sequel should've been the original four actresses/characters who are now in their 40s and even cooler because adult women are interesting too."👻
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guys be like "what's with girls who never eat? My gf just lives off iced coffee😂😂😂" and it's like, yeah it's called an eating disorder stop memeing and help your girlfriend, Jake
I went to Disney World by myself recently and had way more fun than the exhausted parents who kept fighting, and their crying, angry, tired children. If it’s “weird” to actually have FUN at Disney World, I’m totally ok with being that kind of “weird.”
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dear fellow women: if you ever catch me staring at you I am literally NEVER thinking “ew who the fuck is this girl” and am ALWAYS thinking “wow her brows are so pretty! ooo where’d she get her shirt? aww what a cute smile! I hope she knows how beautiful she is!”
if you missed Hot Girl Summer, that's ok because now it's time for Practical Magic fall, which is where we grow our hair long, open a botanical shop by the sea, do spells by the moonlight, break ancestral curses, and bury our shitty exes in our garden🌹
Trump ending #stimulus talks til after the election
is literally Bobby Newport saying if he doesn't win, he'll take away the Sweetums jobs. As Leslie Knope says, "I love this town, & when you love something, you don't threaten it." Trump never loved America. He just loves power.
Me, seeing Lady G trending and realizing it's not about Lady Gaga, it's about Lindsey Graham, a homophobic politician, secretly hiring gay sex workers who call him "Lady G":
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is anyone else still deeply upset about #GLOW getting canceled? they already paid everyone, scripts were written, but they thought fans would lose interest if it was a delayed release. are you kidding? GLOW is one of my favorite shows. if they'd done s4 in 2025 i'd happily watch.
me leaving my body when someone's reading me directions to a board game:
U.S: how are we supposed to keep people home during a pandemic if they still need to work, pay rent, how will we survive?
Other countries: We paid our citizens to stay home for a few months so we could knock out the pandemic it worked great
US: hm we have no choice but 2 reopen
Netflix: are you still watching? just wanna make sure😇
HBOmax: you want to watch ANOTHER episode? ugh fine hold on
Hulu: you watched one ep of this show and you didn't turn off your tv so here's a random episode of some shit you've never heard of we don't give a fuck lol
i wish more people understood that there is a tremendous difference between being overwhelmed because you're working too much but being paid well, and being overwhelmed because you're working too much and being paid poorly, or not at all. the exhaustion is completely different.
bisexual friends be like "I value ur friendship and I am not objectifying you, and also you are so hot it makes me want to cry and I genuinely want to marry you, but only if you WANT to! and if you don't want to that's ok and I'll respectfully pine for you always, as a friend!!!"
I regret to inform you that my brain will think it's the year 2000 until the day I die. When is 30 years ago? 1970. How long ago were the '90s? 10 years ago. thank you for your understanding in this matter.
listen, go to the restaurants you wanna go to and take the trips you wanna take now. don't wait until you have a romantic partner. go by yourself. the world lied and said you're not enough on your own; it's not true. you're enough, and you don't need a plus one for your own life.
"It's always a red flag if they have no friends." Maybe! Or, maybe they've had a lot of friends who were dicks and now they're (rightly) scared of people. You could assume they're alone because they "deserve it," OR you can be kind to them + show them that good friends exist.✌️
tonight I went to the pool right before it closed and there was a couple behind me going there too. I got in the empty pool and they saw I was in it, so they couldnt fuck in it like they’d planned, so they left and the second they did I cackled loudly like Ursula the sea witch.
does anyone else constantly think about how Jessica Simpson was body shamed in 2009 for being a size 4? and how fatphobic our society has to be to think that even this very small body was unacceptable and worthy of global bullying? because whew I really really do.
my favorite way to be a buzzkill is when someone says “he’s being such a pussy” and I say “you mean he’s being strong and resilient and warm?” and they’re like “no like timid and scared” and I say “so like testicles?” until they give up and never say it around me again
sorry I haven't watched the tv show you recommended yet! I have been busy rewatching the same tv shows I've seen a million times because my brain is comforted by already knowing what will happen and not having to get to know any new characters.
People with anxiety be like "I know a spot" and then suddenly worry you're mad at them and add "but it's ok if you don't want to go"
in quarantine I've started having a "Background Show", aka a tv show that keeps me company, a "Serious Watching Show" for when I want to really watch things, and a "Night Show" for when I need something soothing before bed. is anyone else doing this lol and what are yours?
If you’re bisexual you’re single to me. What are you gonna do, have a crush on a man/woman/non-binary person, but never make a move on any of them because ur too overwhelmed by your chronic anxiety from being both marginalized & sexualized by our culture so you get a pet instead
uh when there's another COVID-19 spike and you wanna blame Black Lives Matter protesters, please remember videos like this and skip that theory:
fyi, every survivor is watching all this shit and realizing who definitely does not "believe survivors" like they said they did, back when it was cool to say you believe survivors🙃🙃🙃
America: the pandemic is over! phew!😍
me: idk i still feel really depressed and anxious?
America: it's over tho!! get back to work haha
me: people are still dying? and a lot of industries died? and i think part of me died too and idk how to get it back?
America: IT'S💃OVER💃
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Listen, I need less replies about how you can't make this work and more replies about how you CAN
whoever wrote that “sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good” joke was definitely:
-a man
-who eats trash
what's your cutest "how we met" story that still resulted in nothing? mine is i messaged her on OKCupid, and she later told me when she saw it she screamed & told her roommate, "MY TWITTER CRUSH JUST MESSAGED ME ON OKC!!!" she broke my heart three months later. good meet-cute tho
the next stimulus is just gonna be an email from the government that says "we're like family here."
pretty cool how women have to remember what size they are in every single store on earth because they're all different I'm loving this setup