Lauren

@heggypill

dogs, puns, sour beers.

Brooklyn, NY
Joined May 2014
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  1. Retweeted
    26 Sep 2016

    **BREAKING** We found the 400 pound hacker and he is indeed sitting on a bed

    85 replies 4,129 retweets 6,566 likes
  2. Retweeted
    5 Sep 2016

    Hey pincushions: what's your creepy obsession with tomatoes?

    9 retweets 41 likes
  3. 21 Oct 2015

    I have 8 newspapers in my backpack right now. Just call me .

    3 likes
  4. 2 Mar 2015

    Similarly if you do some mad preemptive grocery shopping

  5. 2 Mar 2015

    If you do laundry before you run out of underwear you are also an adult probably

    1 like
  6. 2 Mar 2015

    If your bed has a head board then you're probably an adult

  7. 28 Feb 2015

    "Only one star brings you the magic of Mexico!" - Macy's

  8. 26 Feb 2015

    why is quiche not more popular it's egg pizza

    1 like
  9. Retweeted
    20 Feb 2015

    Our Chief Happiness Officer Chester bundled up for a day's work.

    2 retweets 1 like
  10. 19 Feb 2015

    omg pOATry

    1 like
  11. 19 Feb 2015

    "what is an oat if not a grain"

    1 like
  12. 18 Feb 2015

    I mean maybe I did my taxes right maybe I'll go to jail who knows

    2 likes
  13. 18 Feb 2015

    just realized that the skin on my legs has not come into contact with outside air since October hahahaha

  14. 18 Feb 2015

    soft-spoken boys, though.

    1 like
  15. Retweeted
    17 Feb 2015

    Don't cuss bro my mom reads my texts

    178 replies 2,280 retweets 4,291 likes
  16. 13 Feb 2015

    shout out to the driver with the vanity plate CTYGRRL for being the realist New Yorker out there

  17. Retweeted
    10 Feb 2015

    i want to do observational stand-up and punctuate every joke w/ a clip of sheryl crow singing "every day is a winding road" and shrug

    1 retweet 4 likes
  18. 10 Feb 2015

    I mean I get that it's half the syllables but I just really hate when people call it "Cali"

  19. 8 Feb 2015

    Genuinely hurt and offended any time someone back home compares my life to Girls instead of Broad City.

    2 likes
  20. Retweeted
    6 Feb 2015

    I will be studying biology when i have more time to focus this is what i love, i have accepted it BIOLOGY thank you Lil B and earth - Lil B

    88 replies 1,144 retweets 1,890 likes

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