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  2. 21 hours ago

    My kids are vegging out on Saturday morning cartoons. I still haven’t finished my coffee. 5yo: “Dad, can we play Dungeons and Dragons?” Me: “Right now?” 3yo: “Yeah!” Me: “Are you sure?” 8yo: “Yeah, right now!”

  3. 19 hours ago

    Right, pay attention you lot. The first million people to send me £1 will automatically get a copy of my foolproof guide to becoming a millionaire just by using Twitter.

  4. 16 hours ago

    I’m with the legend himself, Colton. Pack down king!! Let’s keep it going #8521

  5. 22 hours ago

    13/ So: of the six vice-chairs and the chair, one is awaiting sentencing, three are involved in Trump/Russia and will absolutely be indicted, and the others are shady characters who won’t go to prison but are failed human beings.

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  6. TFW you wear a homemade dress out in public for the first time and no one looks at you like you’re the Paper Bag Princess.

  7. 22 hours ago

    When u break your purse trying to Floss but your hubby Macgyvers it back together with a zip tie!

  8. 5 hours ago

    Me n liz got robbed last night they have my bank card with -2000 on it. Enjoy paying that off mate haha jokes on you

  9. 21 hours ago

    The German company 'Durr' said it had terminated its contracts with the 's regime due to US sanctions.

  10. 14 hours ago

    I have a hot date with the washer & dryer & a book on the Aztecs. You wish your life was as lit as mine.

  11. 14 hours ago

    I have the longest and most hair at my class reunion!

  12. 17 hours ago

    MONROE speaks on the AKA event in Atlanta, before he go on stage! Dream CHASER )))) ©MONROE ©STE ENT.

  13. 11 hours ago

    Just found a check in my car that I thought I cashed 2 weeks ago.

  14. 16 hours ago

    I have trained and am ready for my Ironman tomorrow morning!

  15. 16 hours ago

    Someday my kids will grow up and realize that 4 McNuggets come with a Happy Meal. Until that day, I will continue to call it a 3 piece McNugget around my children so I can continue to steal one McNugget on the way home.

  16. 12 hours ago

    Went to the Morphe in Sacramento today and thanks to coupon code i saved some money!! 🍕🍕🍕

  17. 4 hours ago

    That morning feeling waking up to 3pts 😎👌🏾 onto Tuesday night we go -mentality💪🏽

  18. 17 hours ago

    7 months on from the poorliest I've ever been & now running 5k on a Saturday morning in 21:24, know which side of the coin I prefer

  19. 20 hours ago

    When you return $34.20 in beer bottles and the guy is impressed you got it all one one cart

  20. 18 hours ago

    When you can't be arsed to get dressed to go to your friends house so you go in your pjs instead 😂🤷‍♀️ wish you were here 😢

  21. 9 hours ago

    Having wine and cheese on the balcony with my cats on a Saturday night, looking at this view.

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