#marriedlife

Marriage is just a never ending cycle of “damn, I wish we had friends to hang out with” and “how do we get out of hanging out with our friends?” #marriedlife #marriage

Married foreplay: “Are you going to shower tonight?” #marriedlife

While I was writing my husband came up to me, kissed me on the forehead, and said “how cool is that everyday you just get to like follow your dreams? That makes me so happy.” And then walked away. BRB IM JUST GONNA GO BAWL MY EYES OUT NOW. #amwriting #writerslife #MarriedLife

Being the DD for my husband while pregnant ends up with him drunk yelling out the window that he got his wife pregnant #MarriedLife

TwinzerMom: Do you even know how much we pay for our mortgage? Me: Do you know the words to the second verse to the "Duck Tales" theme song? No. We all have strengths, yours just happens to be adulting. TwinzerMom: .... #MarriedLife

Wife: You haven’t been very nice to me lately, you need be nicer. *yep, she’s right, have to be nicer* Wife later on: ok you’re being too nice, doesn’t seem real. Be nicer than you were but not this nice. I work on my levels of niceness. #MarriedLife

You may call it replacing the bag after I take out the trash. I call it foreplay. #marriedlife

My wife backed out of a roller blade marathon and informed me that she was able to switch the registration, entering me in the half marathon run, it's in less than two months. Not sure if it's supposed to be motivation or if she discovered the life insurance policy. #MarriedLife

My wife has been ranting about how annoyed she is when people try to use cauliflower as a substitute for actually good foods for 5 minutes and by god I love this woman. #marriedlife

True story. Wife and I just called each other from our office phones to discuss our plans for “date night” at Kroger this evening. #MarriedLife

Cortney: “I don’t know how I went 24 days without our dogs.” Me: “What about me?” Cortney: “Well, I mean I missed you too.” Not that I’m surprised, but I’m officially below the dogs. #marriedlife

I go into the bedroom, husband is already asleep. I give him a kiss on the forehead and say goodnight baby, I get punched in the face for scaring him.... #marriedlife

I’ve spent the last 30 mins making fun of @kriteaux and her garlic breath #marriedlife

Me: What’s wrong? Husband : nothing. Me: no, really? Husband: *long sigh* I just feel like I’m never gonna be a magician. #actualconversation #marriedlife

I'm dying. My husband has a floss-toothpick thing he's kept on the coffee table for the past week to use after dinner. Tonight we watched the dog walk over, sniff it, LICK IT, and walk off. My husband is horrified and I can't stop laughing. #marriedlife

So it’s one o’clock here in Mexico, my HUSBAND and I have ordered breakfast, napped, and now we’re waiting on our second round of room service. #livinourbestlife #MarriedLife

I am vibrating with excitement because a shelving unit we ordered for our laundry closet is set to arrive today. Is this adulting? #MarriedLife