#kidssaythedarndestthings

“Mom, turn the baby off!” - my 3 year old when the baby is crying #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

My son just told me he’s going to name my puppy Peter Rabbit and people are going to think it’s crazy. Yeah kid, what’s crazy is we don’t have a puppy. #kidssaythedarndestthings

Making a CD of “Favorite Songs” with our preschool class and one specifically requested @daveryankdwb. What would you say is your biggest hit, Dave? #kidssaythedarndestthings

20 years of being called “moustache girl” and hearing “hahaha you’re hairy” and all it takes is my 9 year old daughter saying “looks like you have a moustache” for me to buy at home waxing. I CANT WAIT FOR PUBERTY TO KICK IN, CHILD. #kidssaythedarndestthings

“When you see a woman as buff as a man, you don’t argue with her!” -Jacob #Newberryisms #kidssaythedarndestthings

*While giving a little girl a ride home from church we see a dead groundhog on the side of the road. Little girl: "He must've been a boy groundhog." Me: "Why do you think that?" Little girl: "He was stupid..." #kidssaythedarndestthings

And he asks all excitedly... What is it about mom? Me : It's about this SUPER cool helicopter!! And he looks at the TV in amazement & says : What does it transform into?? ‍ I guess our standards were SO low back in the day!!! ‍#KidsSaytheDarndestthings

Then his dad says.. Your next sentence should say you were an "unaccompanied minor"!!! And his response is... I can't write that dad, cos I'm not a MINER!!!! #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

5yo, playing: "Why does Dad have to drive?" -"Because boys have to drive." "Dad, stop singing! Only girls can sing!" I don't know whether to feel mildly alarmed or wildly entertained. #kidssaythedarndestthings #weadvocatenontraditionalgenderroles #boyscantsing? #whut

::While putting a book behind the vertical cushions of the couch….:: I put the book in the couch — to get more money! #Random #DarndestQuotes #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

“I’m a doctor!” He said. My nephew after watching the doctors pass through the clinic for about 2 hours. #imadoctor #kidssaythedarndestthings #gettingserious #doctor https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl4tSXnn7zS/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=wpcvriwkppx8 …

My 7 year-old nephew said @RondaRousey looks like a “regular person” — and that @NatbyNature looks like a wrestler. He prefers Nattie, the woman in the black. #KidsSayTheDarndestThings #RAW @WWE #KidsSay

Twitter trolls have a new hobby, scrolling back for hours to find out if baseball players said fucked yo shit when they were kids. #treaturner #kidssaythedarndestthings

::In bed, while he should be sleeping, yelling randomly from nowhere:: S: Why does Gran have [Name of Gran’s Bank]? S: Why does Gran have [Name of a Magazine Gran reads]? #DarndestQuotes #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

I was telling #VBS kids Thursday about @NAMB_SBC and @sendrelief. I told them about the mobile dental unit and asked if if they like going to the dentist. One kindergartener replied, “Yes, he checks my calories!” #kidssaythedarndestthings

::Daddy picks him up to give him a big hug:: D: Daddy loves you very much son! ::Son pushes back so he can more easily face Daddy while picked up; has cheeky grin:: S: Someone stole your bike! ::Son starts laughing hysterically:: #DarndestQuotes #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

This kid just said his Nick name is 24hrs lockdown.. #KidsSayTheDarndestThings

Walking thru Wal-Mart today and as we passed an Amish man and his child, Lincoln proceeds to yell out "YeeeeHaw" #KidsSayTheDarndestThings