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  1. In her intense mugglemindedness, is not even considering how extra discriminatory she is being while we are centering that , and during , no less.

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  2. May 11

    Avery lost a tooth yesterday and we forgot to do the tooth fairy business. I absolutely just took a dollar out of my wallet, handed to them and said "can you see my fairy wings?"

  3. 11 Dec 2018

    I don’t have a crush on Sneaky anymore. 🎐

  4. 24 Sep 2018

    Will the real please stand up 👋 😂

  5. 7 Apr 2015
  6. 11 Jun 2018
  7. 29 Jan 2019

    Picked up at 155a to get to MCO at 245a and find out the ticket counter doesn't open till 4a for our 520a flight. I'm sorry... what?

  8. 23 Nov 2013

    This is what happens when teams start to figure out manziel...

  9. 28 Nov 2012

    Professor just told the class Santa isn't real. So many people are crying right now.

  10. 18 Oct 2011

    10 years of magic...thank u hp!

  11. 3 Nov 2013

    Ugh. I do not want to go to school tomorrow!

  12. 24 Nov 2010

    Good morning Twitter! For the record, going back to work post-vacation SUCKS.

  13. 28 Apr 2018

    Hello everyone. I haven't heard anything from anyone about taking in the Lady Prop used for filming TATMRR. So my only assumption is that she'll be scrapped. But before I say that Boomer has won, I would like actual proof that this'll happen. I hope she's saved!

  14. 6 Jan 2013

    Aw c'mon! I just shovelled that path yesterday!

  15. 13 Dec 2014

    I realize this is downright un-American, but Elmo was the beginning of the end of for me.

  16. 18 Feb 2014

    First tweet w/ new phone! & now I've shot my load & am exhausted

  17. 12 Jul 2016

    when your wife forgets you went on a bike ride and locks up the house

  18. 27 Sep 2012

    My inner child died that day !

  19. 25 Dec 2012

    I think my youngest brother knows who Santa is.

  20. My hand fell asleep when I was masturbating.

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