#MomLife

I always wondered why it was called a restroom - I never once went there to rest. And then I became a mom. And now I COMPLETELY understand why it’s called a restroom. #momlife

All 3 of my kids fell asleep in the car on the way home so you bet your ass I’ve been sitting in the car in the driveway while they nap. #momlife

The biggest lie parents tell themselves...”if my toddler goes to bed late then they will wake up late” #parenting #momlife

Sometimes I have to stop myself from pointing out planes and trains to strangers. #momlife

“Please point out every parenting decision I make that you disagree with”-said no mom ever #momlife

Told my 8 month old that his tantrums were not accepted in this household, he proceeded to throw his spoon full of food at me. I think he took it well #momlife

#momlife is being exhausted every day because your 1 yo sneaks in your bed and kicks you all night every night. Then the ONE NIGHT she doesn't, anxiety kicks in & you wake up at 3 and are sure she's dead so you get up and check & she's fine but you can't sleep anymore. Just me?

I didn’t realize we were raising 5 hoarders.... dear lord I’m going to set it all on fire and walk away #momlife

Browsing new music and the paw patrol theme song comes up as a “recommended song for you” #momlife

I wish they made wine for kids. My kid could use a tall glass of "calm the hell down" right now. #momlife #dadlife

I used to be embarrassed to tell people that I have someone help clean my house once a week, then I realize paying someone to help clean is cheaper than therapy which is where I would end up if I tried to do it all-remember you can do anything but you can’t do everything #momlife

There comes a point in toddlerhood where I realize I need the nap more than the toddler. #naptime #momlife

Just paid child 2 a dollar to get child 4 a bowl of cereal. I'm really killing this whole mom gig today. #momlife

My wife told our 5yo that she couldn't have more pink lemonade tonight so she's currently in the middle of a tear soaked, Oscars worthy M elodramatic E motional L ong T antrum D one O nly W hen she's told N o #dadlife #parenting #momlife

I think my son’s afraid of being poisoned because he only eats food AFTER he’s seen me take a bite out of it. He’ll do just fine in this world. #momlife

Currently trying to help my daughter look for her candy that I ate last night #momproblems #momlife

Recipe for Iced Coffee: 1. Have kids 2. Make coffee 3. Forget you made coffee 4. Drink it cold #momlife #motherhood #parenting #parenthood

I bought my one year old some cute sandals that squeak every time she takes a step. Sometimes my past self makes bad choices. #momlife

Anyone else have the @BlippiOfficial theme song in their head?? Just me? Cool. #MomLife #toddlerlife