Jared Schwartz

@hapfrap

Comms . Started . I'm just a millennial, standing in front of the internet, asking it to validate me.

Los Angeles, CA
Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2008.
Rođen/a 07. svibnja
2.141 fotografija ili videozapis Fotografije i videozapisi

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  1. prije 18 sati

    "This is Not America's Next Top Best Friend": a six-part series on Jade, the exotic biracial butterfly, and how being vilified on ANTM led to a new career in developing skin care products for reptiles

    1 reply 8 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  2. 4. velj

    TURBOTAX: your w2 is available, log in today ME: cool will get to it soon TURBOTAX: get your refund even faster, log in right now for your W2! ME: yeah I got it TURBOTAX: bitch are you listening to me I said log in ME: TURBOTAX: ME: TURBOTAX: :)

    23 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  3. 4. velj

    What happens in Iowa should stay in Iowa

    10 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    For everyone freaking out over the scant outfits worn by J Lo and Shakira last night: here is how cheerleaders dress, I'm sorry you've never seen them before.

    745 replies 9.607 proslijeđenih tweetova 68.245 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  5. 3. velj

    Questions that single people hate being asked: - How are you still single? - Do you think your standards are too high? - What’s your type? Describe your perfect person. - I’m not sure you can order an entire pizza for yourself on Mondays and call that “meal prep”?

    1 reply 1 proslijeđeni tweet 30 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  6. 3. velj

    questioning my sexuality

    39 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  7. 2. velj

    not sure what hashtag we should be using: or

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 10 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  8. 2. velj

    *guessing strategy in my 20s* 1) you hooked up with your coworker 2) you hooked up in a bathroom 3) you hooked up with your ex *guessing strategy in my 30s* 1) you're engaged 2) you're pregnant 3) you're taking a break from dating so you can really focus on you

    has anyone ever correctly guessed what a person was going to say when they start with "guess what?"
    1 proslijeđeni tweet 43 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  9. 1. velj

    my angsty teen is going through a ~phase~

    1 reply 29 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  10. 31. sij

    Super Bowl and Groundhog Day are on the same day so here's hoping Bill Murray hitting an alarm ends up in a commercial

    1 reply 2 proslijeđena tweeta 18 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  11. 31. sij

    america

    5 replies 21 korisnik označava da mu se sviđa
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  12. 30. sij

    Recipe #2: NAKED PANCAKES 🥞 -Combine 3/4 cup pancake mix with 2/3 cup water -Pour some into frying pan, flip after few minutes, then remove -Burn each one a little more than the previous one -Don’t add syrup because you forgot to buy any

    1 proslijeđeni tweet 18 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  13. 29. sij

    Recipe #1: Eggs & Toast: Sunny D Side up -Scramble 2 eggs -Place them on unevenly toasted bread -Pair with Emergen-C (Super Orange complements the tonal flavors of scrambled eggs)

    5 replies 1 proslijeđeni tweet 24 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  14. 29. sij

    I wanna go on a 1st date where we pretend we've known each other for 6 months. I'm sick of asking questions about hometowns and jobs. So, I already know your job. And you really need to tell Brenda to stop cutting you off in meetings. She's the fucking worst.

    3 proslijeđena tweeta 67 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  15. 28. sij

    grateful to all past and current coworkers who advocate for me on linkedin 🙏

    26 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  16. 28. sij

    working on a cookbook for people who work from home and it’ll feature original recipes like: -frozen waffles -scrambled eggs with a pinch of salt -toast without butter because you ran out & don’t have enough time to get any before your 1pm mtg

    7 proslijeđenih tweetova 222 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđa
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  17. 28. sij

    if you start drinking coffee you're gonna be on a whole new bathroom schedule

    What is one thing you wish you knew when you first started your career?
    19 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    so if i am understanding correctly, a fair process should happen neither in public nor behind closed doors, not with witnesses nor without witnesses, quickly but in due time, neither by day nor by night

    6.788 proslijeđenih tweetova 35.368 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    I FAVORITED THIS 9 YEARS AGO JUST FOR THE MOMENT TO TELL YOU I GOT ONE. YES IM PETTY AS FUCK, GOOD DAY MARK.

    @fucktyler dont b too excited. u wont get one.....
    182.961 proslijeđeni tweet 975.438 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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  20. 27. sij

    convinced there’s no beginning or end to the , they go on forever, like the train from snowpiercer, and they’ll turn the camera on again next january

    7 korisnika označava da im se sviđa
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