Look, I like men. I enjoy them. I married one, he's true blue & I'm a better person for his company in this world. But men in general aren't going to listen to me. You guys need to talk to eachother. You absolutely need to.
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I'm at a point in my life where men of all kinds have disappointed me & shocked me & frightened the living daylights out of me. I know this: largely, they can not hear me when I ask them to respect me, or other women. They can't. Men have to do this work for eachother - and us.
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I was once told by an ex boyfriend that respect isn't just something that he could give me, I would have to earn it. At that moment something irrevocable sank in: I would spend the rest of my life trying to convince men that I'm a person. It grinds you the fuck down.
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Women, queer people & people of colour are out here developing language, fighting, protesting, actively trying to shift the balance, to stop violence, to change things. Lads, what the fuck are you doing? Where's your work?
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I am exhausted with men performing feminism to me, like a parlour act. Look, I learned the words to your song, do you like me now? Go and DO something for eachother if not for us. Go out and make change, be active. I don't care for your party tricks anymore.
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What terrifies me is that they’ve organized. Into a literal movement. HOW do these guys get the notion that the world owes them a relationship?? I despair.
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Entitlement is the scariest thing Una. It comes in all shapes and sizes and turns vicious. Every story ever told tells these lads that love/sex is something to be Attained or Achieved, rather than shared. It's our culture. Then they reinforce eachother. Cycle cycle cycle
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You're absolutely right, Sarah. And although none of my male friends show it explicitly enough for me to take on or talk about, I sense a lot of men, including myself, are building up to something that goes beyond their immediate circles of influence in tackling this.
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A movement, perhaps? I don't know. But I'm certainly coming across guys through
#together4yes who really impress & inspire me in their egalitarian attitudes & actions, so something is shifting there, I believe. -
Impediments? Yes. Certainly online. For instance, being accused of virtue signalling when you call out people for "everyday sexism" in comments etc. I recently got hit with this by a very senior, respected male journalist. Still asking myself why and what to do about it.
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'Male entitlement is poison' sounds like something I'd want on a shirt that I'd never wear because I'd be too terrified of my own safety if an entitled man saw me
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