Therapy alone didn’t do it, because it fought an uphill battle against brain chemistry. Meds alone didn’t do it, because while they level off the chemistry they do nothing for the patterns of thought. So that combination is, for me, essential to my survival. Without it... 8/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
There was a constant argument in my head. If you could listen in you would have heard absolutely horrible things about me. Who I am. What I am. My place in the world and my effect on the people around me. 9/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
And at regular intervals beginning when I woke up and ending when I went to sleep, the constant refrain “I want to die”. Then you would hear the other side of it. That was an internal scream, which was the only way I could put that thought down. 10/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
First came the meds. Because I was not in a position to address the patterns of thought while my brain chemistry was providing rewards for them. It took years to find the right combination. 11/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
Then came relearning to think. I learned that the “I want to die” message was a remnant of a primitive part of my brain that could only communicate in binary terms. Yes/No On/Off Live/Die That’s how deep these patterns of thought run. 12/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
There is no subtlety, no nuance. It’s one or the other. That is the only way that part of my brain could communicate the more complex thought “I want change.” 13/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
I don’t want to live this way. I don’t want to hear that argument in my head. I don’t want to lead the life those thoughts force me to lead. 14/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
When I was able to make that adjustment, when my brain chemistry had stabilized to the point that I could replace “I want to die” with the more nuanced and accurate thought “I want change”, I began to make progress. 15/17
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Replying to @MichaelKuhl @gorskon
Do not attempt to oversimplify depression. It is not “just feeling sad”, and for people who live with it the experience is overwhelming an far more complex than “Do this.” To diminish it in that way is to diminish the struggle, and does far more harm than good. 17/17
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Unfortunately, that’s what that naturopath was doing, hence my snarky question.
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Replying to @gorskon
Oh I know. That’s one of my biggest peeves. “Depression is just you with sad face.”
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