Jimbo   

@glum_and_fun

former sad guy turned happy guy who loves everything

CLE
Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2013.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    a guy walked in the mens room, looked at me & asked "this is the mens room right?" i said yes & then he said "oh good. i love using urinals"

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    [hour 17 of the All-Star Game committee stress testing the new rules]

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    if the chiefs win the super bowl and bernie wins iowa the next night i’m gonna drink an entire can of beer. no sipping it by the spoonful, no measuring cups, nothing. drinking it straight out of the can. i’ll crack it open and on god it’ll be in the recyling bin one hour later

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    27. srp 2017.

    We cut open the cake at the gender reveal party and out spill thousands of fire ants. The guests howl. FIRE ANTS ARE MOSTLY MALE, I explain

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    28. sij
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  6. me, to the guy hitting the heavy bag at the gym: hey man you mind if i get a turn? [takes down heavy bag and stands in its place]

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    16. sij

    baseball managers be like

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    Bernie and Warren are the two most progressive presidential candidates in a generation. Remind yourself of this before we decide to eat each other alive bc politico and buzzfeed wanted us to.

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    13. sij

    NFL: we tracked a bead of sweat flying off Marshawn Lynch at 34 mph with a sodium content of 45 mmol/L, thanks to Amazon Web Services also NFL: oh you expect us to spot the ball correctly? I don’t suppose you know any sorcerers we could hire

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    3. sij
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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. pro 2019.

    cut my pants into pieces these are my hand made jorts

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    12. pro 2019.
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  13. in a decision making workshop and the presenter asked what we consider when buying a car and it took every ounce of willpower to not yell about A GOOD STEERING WHEEL THAT DOESN'T WHIFF OUT THE WINDOW WHILE I DRIVING

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  14. and now the DJ is just teasing everyone with the beat to Crank Dat? i’m on the edge of my seat. grocery shopping will never be the same.

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  15. the dj at the grocery store (?) just mixed Rich Boy’s classic hit ‘Throw Some Ds’ with Ed Sheerhan’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’ ?????? what is this place

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    5. pro 2019.

    Today I lost my brother, because of the fucking negligence and stupidity of the police. Instead of negotiating with a hostage situation they just shot everyone. (Including my brother) please retweet this so everyone can be aware how stupid these cops are.

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    27. stu 2019.

    UNCLE: I say this every year but- ME: not this again MOM: we’re NOT talking politics this thanksgiving UNCLE: without luigi there is no waluigi, therefore he is responsible for waluigi’s many sins ME: ARE YOU SAYING WALUIGI HAS NO FREE WILL UNCLE: I SAID WHAT I FUCKING SAID

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    21. stu 2019.
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    14. stu 2019.
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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    25. tra 2015.

    [Pastabot 2000 attempts to hand me another bowl of pasta] Jesus christ not now Pastabot

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. lis 2019.

    [me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

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