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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    this is over 2 minutes of me doing standup AND it's subtitled, so don't say I never did anything nice for you ok

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    Do u think Mary Kate ans Ashley know about elizabeth ....

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  3. Pete has not responded to my request for comment.

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  4. Waiting on like 14 apologies rn

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  5. Whenever boomers are like “back in my day we didn’t need antidepressants,” it’s like ok, but they didn’t make you use Twitter back then

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    prije 14 sati

    who do I gotta fuck to get the algorithm on my side?

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    prije 14 sati

    Hearing a lot of whispers that team No One is staffing up. Expect to see some big hires leaked to POLITICO soon

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  8. I think a lot of people assume the children of rich parents will always vote Republican for fiscal reason, but would you believe me if I told you we actually don’t understand how the tax system works?

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  9. I'm dating someone who isn't on social media and boy oh boy do I feel like a teenager whose parents left them the house for a weekend

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    Pete buttegieg won iowa like America won Iraq

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  11. WEDNESDAY A WEEK FROM TODAY COME!!

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    "To assume that all women are constantly in a state of near-hysteric yearning to lay eyes upon a photograph of a phallus would be correct.” - and channel Freud

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    prije 19 sati

    i’m from silicon valley so like obviously my parents were really into steve jobs and his cutthroat style of business management but like, for their family

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    "Joanne comes with a full cigarette attached to her right hand, always ready for a lighter. She also comes with her very own fence to lean on as her and Cathy dish about the trouble that’s moved in down the block." - with realistic dolls

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  16. Things that aren’t an apology: - I’m sorry if I upset you

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  17. Do you know how confident you have to be in your material to go on stage dressed like this

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    he watched my stories until he figured out my personality. at least he thought i was hot enough but terrible. -rupi kaur

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    The best way to describe my life is I was one of those girls who got mono without kissing anyone

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    A lot of people who are too old to be doing open mics are telling me Bernie's too old to be president

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    I think The DNC's message out of Iowa, that they are too incompetent to rig an election, is the exact kind of energy we need in November

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