We didn't go to the same middle school, but we were friends in high school. Again, lots of shared classes. (My high school was very large so that was uncommon.) We became close friends -- siblings, almost.
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College came around. Every time I visited home, we'd grab coffee or something to catch up. It was nice. A year or so after college ended, our friendship ended.
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I had texted her for coffee a few times, and she hadn't responded. I randomly ran into her at a bar and said, "Hey! You didn't return my calls!" Her boyfriend, Junior -- who I also knew and who knew me -- was next to her.
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I didn't think anything of it. Why would I? She and I had been friends forever and he knew that. But, he was furious. He explained that, "he was old school;" that I was being 'disrespectful' to him; and, that Dani didn't want to talk to me.
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Because the idea that it was 'disrespectful' was such obvious insecurity and because I just wanted time with my friend, I tried to meet him halfway rather than rejecting his nonsensical premise. But, he kept going back to the "you have to be respectful" nonsense.
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She never spoke to me again. Her friends expressed disgust in him to me but that was it. Eventually, I realized that respect was a concept he neither understood nor cared about. What he wanted was control and dominance, over her and me (trying to get me to say "I respect that.")
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I see him in most Trump supporters. (He is one, of course.) Even though they're currently enjoying and monstrously exercising a degree of political power not see in a long time, they cast themselves as victims because of cultural "disrespect."
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But, they don't care about respect. They may demand it, but they want dominance, power, and social impunity. And, they deserve nothing less than condemnation. (I still miss my friend.)
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End of conversation
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I feel sadness for both of them, but mostly Dani. For losing a good friendship and choosing a jerk.
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