package: *plastic wrapped excessively * scissors: *ten feet away* me: *tries to rip it open He-Man style* me: *tries to rip it open He-Man style* me: *tries to rip it open He-Man style* me: *succeeds angrily* (this happens 100% of the time)
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Replying to @generativist
*try tearing it open* *try scratching it open with nails* *try biting it off* *pat pockets for keys* *try and use those to get the plastic off* *admit defeat, get sharp knife* *slice haphazardly and stab self* *blood everywhere, slippery* *try to reach for scissors, fail* *dead*
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