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generativist's profile
💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops 💫
💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops 💫
 💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫
@generativist

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 💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫

@generativist

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Palo Alto, CA
jbn.abreka.com
Joined May 2013

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    1.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Modernity is a lonely place. Men are particularly lonely. Often, they don’t know it. (I know I didn’t.)

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    2.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Loneliness distorts reality. It makes you do bad things. Lamentable things. Things you’ll regret. Often immediately. Sometimes years later.

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    3.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Isolation induces loneliness. Socializing reduces isolation. Loneliness is not isolation. As the cliche goes, You can be utterly alone in a crowded room. Even one packed with friends.

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    4.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Loneliness is an something deeper. An unmet need to be seen. *And*, to be mutually attached. You can force people to see you. (Or, at least, masks of you.) But, you can’t coerce attachment. (Or, at least, genuine attachment.)

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    5.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Genuine attachment is a real need. It’s what’s missing in loneliness. But, there are different kinds of attachment. Different relationships. Brotherhood is one. But, most men don’t lack this. (My twenties felt like a band of brothers.)

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       💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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      Intimacy is one manifestation of attachment. People need intimacy. Heterosexual men need intimacy with women. That’s not the same thing as sex.

      7:20 AM - 11 Jul 2018
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        2.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Sex is like a supernormal stimuli for intimacy. The brain easily confuses the two. Like sugar, it’s intensely satisfying. ...briefly. But, it obliterates loneliness. ...briefly.

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        3.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Stimulus — RELEASE. Stimulus — Release. Stimulus — release. Meaningless sex is a hell of a drug. But, it’s not meaningless to the lonely. Le petite mort is BIG LIFE. The highest social interaction. It fills you with saccharine connection. Conflated with attachment.

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        4.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Dependence grows. Self medication increases. But, repeat partnering is hard. It comes with expectations. (That rarely get negotiated sincerely.)

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        5.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Most young men can’t relate to women. They never learned how to. They *are* isolated, group wise. Gendered cliques. Partitioned beliefs.

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        6.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          The mismatch collides with the conflation. Unfamiliarity manifests as distance. It shatters the illusion of closeness. Of Attachment. Of Intimacy.

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        7.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          So, men seek new partners. Which is costly, time-wise. And endless stream of bars. Missed encounters. Frustrated desires. Latent cirrhosis.

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        8.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Men can reduce that cost. That’s what the PUA stuff is. Cost reduction. Weaponized, faux-attachment. An executed exploit. Mutual loneliness as an attack vector.

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        9.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          The hack also increases rewards. Bragging rights. But these aren’t orthogonal to attachment. They inhibit it. Persistent, repulsive toxicity. The PUA cost reduction is expensive AF.

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        10.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Harm compounds. Unrecognized loneliness persists. Unacknowledged needs go unmet. Gendered isolation is reinforced. For some, this all transmutes into animosity. Misogyny.

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        11.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Assuming this, what can you do? Recognize the self-medication. Acknowledge the loneliness. Decide to fix the problem. Not alleviate the symptoms. Learn about women. ...from women.

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        12.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          Don’t use that as an exploit. A means of sexual infiltration. Stolen access. And, don’t use it to find a partner. (The male "feminist" approach.) You need to find a basis first. A way to navigate. A cognitive and emotional compass. Both for your sake, and women's.

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        13.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          I’m writing this with the benefit of time. Cheap hindsight. To be honest, I was lucky. I had a lot of close women friends. Real inter-gender intimacy. I had a decent basis. Disused in some contexts, but functional. I recently realized lots of my friends didn’t.

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        14.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          That’s why I’m writing this. I'm trying to cope with my alienation from them. They curdled as people. Development, arrested. Some former brothers resemble stunted children. Their confusion metastasized. It generated general social deterrence. All manner of connections dissolved.

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        15.  💥 (wannabe) Ƀreaker of (the Bad) Loops  💫‏ @generativist 11 Jul 2018
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          You want to avoid that. Mid-thirties bodies. Teenage maturity. It’s a bad combination. A recipe for perpetual loneliness. An accidental, self-imposed exile.

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        16. End of conversation

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