Needlephobia has been a constant throughout my life. One of my earliest memories is trying to hide under a doctor's desk to avoid a vaccine. It didn't work. All but one of my experiences with vaccines were traumatic, and the fear ramped up every time. 2/
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It got much worse when I started going to the dentist, where I immediately had to get an anesthetic shot to remove a tooth. Did you know that anesthesia does not work if you're too stressed out? I learned it that day. They ignored the screaming and went through with it. /3
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The fear grew to the point of having what was described as "seizures" any time I needed to get an injection. I regained conscience not too long after and was always disappointed to find that the doctors won't do anything when you're in that state. /4
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To me that was the most distressing part. Having no control over how my body was going to react, scaring the doctors/dentists, and leaving without any work done, only to come back and go through it again. And again. This didn't feel rational, so I had no idea where to start. 5/
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This last year was tough. Needles have been everywhere in the media, in every feed, in every conversation. I was always on high alert. I couldn't avoid it this time. Taking this vaccine is the right thing to do, not only for myself but for those around me. Time to change. 6/
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At the start of this year I did some research and decided to try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). This is an oversimplification but at its core you have to analyze your mental process to see where and why it goes haywire. Then you have to reprogram your brain. 7/
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This next step is hard to swallow. Most of it happens through exposure. By (safely) being put in stressful situations and realizing that it wasn't so bad in the end. With a topic that depends on medical equipment, (during a pandemic!), there aren't many opportunities. 8/
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So step one was to demystify needles and injections. My partner (thank you so much!) put together a slideshow of photos from single needles to them being used in hospital environments, to eventually a video of injections. Things that would always make me avert my gaze. 9/
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I wrote my prediction of how stressful I thought it would be (1-100), faced each for some time, tried to look at them in detail, then wrote down how it really felt and compared them to the predictions. It was not as much! Even better, with repetition the values went down. 10/
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Then, my only reasonable solution for exposure involved facing TWO phobias at once. I had to do all the dental work I had been postponing for years, mostly for the chance to face the anesthesia. 11/
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With the help of anti-anxiety medication I still had from a previous procedure, I did the treatments. I've had 13 shots of anesthetics since January. They do them in threes and fours. This was not easy or cheap but helped to build tolerance and prove to me that I could do it. 12/
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One thing that absolutely did not help was my close relatives trying to convince me multiple times not to take it. I debunked their claims and links but nothing worked. I didn't tell them about today. They'll find out when they snoop on this thread. Hello!
Trust science.
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Today I finally took my vaccine. I talked to the people there until I felt more confident, tried a few things, tried to get my heart rate down. It was very hard for me to tell them I was ready. But when it did happen, it was fairly quick and mostly painless. It's done. 14/
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I'm sharing this in the hope it helps someone in a similar situation. It caused me a lot of distress for decades, that I didn't think I was capable of changing, but I did, and you can too. Good luck! 15/
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Bonus joke overheard at the vaccination center: - Will I be able to swim after getting the vaccine? - I don't see why not. - Excellent! Because I can't swim. Irish people are great.
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