What's going on with this game's BGG ratings? :Dpic.twitter.com/4Yv3suDO5J
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Finally had a moment to watch it and there are some cool ideas there but my main question is "who is this video for?". If it's to introduce the game to new people, it's too long and thorough, and has the chance of making it look more complex than it is.
Sounds like it would be for people who have already bought the game, but at the end you mention an upcoming kickstarter. For a pitch I'd suggest something shorter and more conversational. Focus on the parts that make your game unique to make the players curious for more.
I have a short introduction video with me showing and talking about the game (much closer to what you're looking for), but I don't like it as much because it doesn't have the production quality. I'm currently working on a 2 min trailer that does exactly what you suggested! 
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