There's such a fine line between people genuinely wanting to help in a charitable way, and people who "help" by flaunting their knowledge condescendingly, assuming you don't know how to do the thing
it's so hard to tell them apart sometimes
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I think a lot of my frustration is less about intent and more about phrasing and presumptions for example, say I'm coding a thing, where someone thinks a lerp might solve my issue, and they want to comment on it let's explore some different ways of saying that!
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"you should just use a lerp here, it's a function to blend between two values" • "just" implies I overlooked the smart simple solution • "should" implies I'd be doing something wrong if I don't do it • explaining lerp implies I don't know what lerp is • hence, condescending
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"you could use a lerp here" • better than the previous one, although • "could" is often used even when people don't actually fully know whether or not it actually can be used in my case, yet is stated as if it's definitely a solution
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"could you use a lerp here?" • much better • direct question, suggesting lerp while at the same time asking if I've already considered it, which, is very likely • remains humble and soft by acknowledging that their suggestion might not apply • I don't have to defend myself!
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There's such a massive difference between these phrases to me during those days I stream when chat is dominated by the more condescending types, versus days where it's dominated by the charitable types, it's like, night and day - it affects my mood so much
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Replying to @FreyaHolmer
this but my irl work colleagues. its day and night when people are charitable vs condescending or making assumptions or attributions about knowledge. ITS INSANE how much this matters to my happiness.
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