I feel like a terrible person and I wish I could make up it up to those hurt by my actions. I hope maybe one day I can...I'm still learning a lot and accepting my unsavory behaviors/patterns.
It's what I really want and it's worth it to me. I wish I had been more thoughtful instead of letting my destructive insecurities run rampant. I know what I really want. To apologize. To accept what has happened and keep going.
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Maybe it's really too late and that's not up for me to decide. All that's in my control now is to wait and accept. If it were me four months ago I'd have crossed boundaries out of desperation. But it doesn't stop me from having a very public mental spill on twitter dot com
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AT LEAST THERAPY IS TOMORROW that makes me feel happy. Still mad at myself for sabotaging a lot of things that I want but I can't change the past. I can only make a better future. Professional help does make me feel a lot better, even when it can be harsh. I need to hear it.
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| INFP | hopeless idiot lesbian
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