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  1. 3. velj

    I heard they’re planning to arrest shakira for her tax crimes on stage during the halftime show

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    ★ MOVE OUT HELP ★ Hi I'm Alice and I need help finding work, saving up money to move out and getting furniture because I need to leave my current place. Any help would be appreciated thanks! ★ Venmo - osobunii ★ Ca$happ - $osobunii ★ PayPal -

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  3. 2. velj

    “You tellin me a shrimp fried this rice”

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  4. 1. velj

    Getting out of ur bed as quietly as possible so he roommate doesn’t know that you stay in bed until 6pm who knows this one 😍

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  5. 22. sij

    Oh to be the little mouse that was featured on crushin’ it 🥺

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  6. 20. sij

    The animals from rainforest cafe coming to my apartment to apologize to me for going apeshit during the fake thunderstorm

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  7. 20. sij

    Hair is just a little fuzzy blanket for the brain to stay cozy ☺️

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  8. 15. sij

    Little bit of mucus in my throat when I had to introduce myself to a class gave me sexy raspy voice. I’m not saying a single word for the rest of the semester I can’t ruin this image

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  9. 14. sij

    When I was 11 I had real bad eczema on my knees and thighs but I was convinced it was somehow herpes so I hid it from my parents and just itched and bled in secret for months

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  10. 14. sij

    Brushing my teeth before I eat this cookie so it’s mint chocolate chip flavored

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  11. 13. sij
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  12. 11. sij

    So no one was gonna wake me up from my accidental nap? I’ll remember this

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  13. 10. sij

    McDonald’s sprite can trigger a miscarriage

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  14. 5. sij

    Anybody wanna come over and baby me until my cold is gone?

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  15. 4. sij

    Don’t be funnier than me in my replies or I’ll delete the whole tweet. Now no one gets to laugh

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  16. 4. sij

    The lord giveth and taketh away 📍Buffalo Wild Wings Restroom

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  17. 1. sij

    The joke was I didn’t know what colloquial meant but I just looked it up and it almost makes sense with the sentence :/ not obsessed with the results

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  18. 1. sij

    Being dumb is hard work I mean this seriously and colloquially

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  19. 1. sij

    Me stealing all of your good luck lemon piglets after midnight hits

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