Assault the first: a random guy in my college dorms mistook (he claimed) my unlocked bedroom for his. It was after a college-wide party, so we'd both been drinking. He only realised my room was mine when he got into bed and was surprised to find me there. (cont.)
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The thing about laws is that they're based on ACTIONS, not reactions TO those actions. A genial person might get robbed of their liquor and cigarettes during a break-in and not be too fussed at the loss, but what happened to them is still a crime.
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Likewise, a person might be hit in their childhood and grow up to have a good relationship with their parents, but the fact that it worked out okay FOR THEM doesn't mean it wasn't abuse.
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As part of learning how to human, kids test boundaries. You tell them to stop throwing a ball, they do smaller throws instead. Tell them to stop again, they move the ball from hand to hand. If you don't react to that, they might decide you don't mind anymore and escalate again.
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This sort of opportunism is part of their learning process: they're learning how to ask what "no" means by testing its boundaries. Does "stop throwing the ball" mean "stop throwing it really high inside," or "stop throwing it where I can see it?" But adults KNOW what it means.
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Adults, unlike little kids, are able to read context cues and are eloquent enough to ask for clarification in the event of confusion or uncertainty. Like a child, an adult might not WANT to stop throwing the metaphorical ball, but they still understand what "stop throwing" means.
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But when it comes to vulnerable people, a great many adults regress to that childlike, opportunistic selfishness where their own wants are deliberately put ahead of what they otherwise understand.
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A parent who teaches their child to say "please" and "thank you" at home might easily deny those courtesies to a service worker. A bro who reacts with hostility to being hugged or touched by relatives without warning might persistently grab at unwilling girls at parties.
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I've wandered away from my point a bit, but to summarise: - abuse/assault are defined by actions, not traumatic reactions - selfish opportunism fuels a lot of abuse & shitty behaviour - different people react differently, but we still need common standards for law & courtesy
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Thread followers: for more on this, see Dr. Campbells "the Neurobiology of Sexual Assault". (Several transcrpts are about. I could not find the original video.)
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