because, counter-intuitively from an outside perspective, sitting down & talking out the Bad Deets with friends makes you feel contagious
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Replying to @fozmeadows
as though you're spreading all your worst thoughts around and thereby making life worse for *other people*, which makes YOU feel worse -
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Replying to @fozmeadows
- when what you really want is for people to reach out in any other capacity, so that you're not defined by illness & so you can escape it.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
the idea tht people are only making an effort because you're sick & not because they actually like you otherwise is really fucking insidious
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Replying to @fozmeadows
like I think what a lot of people don't understand about depression is that it literally exists to play devil's advocate to every good thing
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Replying to @fozmeadows
"my friends care abt me!" "no, they care that you're sick. you're a burden like this." "people are worried!" "yes, but they'd rather not be"
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Replying to @fozmeadows
the thing that's most frustrating is when well-meaning people react poorly to a depressed person's failure to "appreciate" their outreach
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Replying to @fozmeadows
and try to coach you on how much of an effort they're making, and why can't you just try a little harder? like YES DEBRA, WHY CAN'T I?
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Replying to @fozmeadows
OH RIGHT, BECAUSE MY INABILITY TO CONSCIOUSLY MANAGE MY EMOTIONAL STATE & BE SPONTANEOUSLY HEALTHIER IS, IN FACT, THE FUCKING PROBLEM HERE
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Replying to @fozmeadows
I think the thing that's hardest for other people to understand is that it's like you're running an endurance race whose length is unknown.
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you don't know if it's going to get harder around the next turn, if there's going to be a water break, if you'll ever actually finish.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
you know how, the first time you go somewhere new, the journey often feels longer & more stressful, b/c you're worried you might get lost?
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Replying to @fozmeadows
now imagine feeling that way about a journey with no set end-point, and where sometimes the only obvious way to finish at all is to stop.
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