I'd always try to turf stuff out, but hang onto particular seldom-worn items b/c some days they felt "necessary". I didn't understand it.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
What I recognise now - particularly today - is that my urge to buy clothes is usually tied to feeling strongly dysphoric. I want to change.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
The problem is that going shopping while dysphoric has a 50/50 chance of making it SO MUCH WORSE. This happened today; hence dissociating.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
You know that urban legend about the frog boiling to death because it keeps adjusting to hotter & hotter water? That's my mental landscape.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Without a word to define what I'm feeling, I don't always notice how fucked up my headspace is getting because I constantly adjust to it.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
My tendency to fast-cycle through multiple mental landscapes in a day? I've started calling it shortwave mania, just to help recognise it.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
This is helpful, not just in regulating my own behaviour, but in keeping track of how I'm treating/relating to the people around me.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
"Mood swings" isn't a helpful term for me, because it suggests a pattern that's both erratic & uninfluenced by outside stimuli. This isn't.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Today wasn't shortwave; today was just a dysphoric episode that got steadily worse under pressure until I dissociated for an hour.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
would mindfulness meditation help you? I've started doing it recently when I get smothered my my own thoughts & helps a little.
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I suspect not. What tends to help me is action, not stillness. Walking, exercising, moving all puts me back in myself.
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