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fozmeadows's profile
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
@fozmeadows

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Foz Meadows

@fozmeadows

Author, fanwriter, trash bandit, queer geek feminist, dork. Jack of all pronouns, mxtress of none. Yells about hockey. Aussie in the US.

Irvine, CA
fozmeadows.wordpress.com
Joined February 2009

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    1. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      Meaning: here is a thing I was vaguely aware of as A Problem, but because I didn't think it was real, I left it unaddressed except for X.

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
    2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      Classic example: I bite/tear/worry my fingernails as an anxious habit. Have done since I was a kid. So now, I keep nail-clippers everywhere.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      Nail clippers don't stop whatever it is that makes my nail-mistreatment a compulsion. It just means I don't damage my body by doing it.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      Ditto as a teen w. dysphoria: I didn't know that's what it was, just that certain clothes had to be reserved for certain days to feel sane.

      1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
    5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      It never used to make sense to me, how many clothes I had for someone who a) viscerally hates clothes shopping and b) isn't into fashion.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      I'd always try to turf stuff out, but hang onto particular seldom-worn items b/c some days they felt "necessary". I didn't understand it.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    7. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      What I recognise now - particularly today - is that my urge to buy clothes is usually tied to feeling strongly dysphoric. I want to change.

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
    8. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      The problem is that going shopping while dysphoric has a 50/50 chance of making it SO MUCH WORSE. This happened today; hence dissociating.

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    9. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      You know that urban legend about the frog boiling to death because it keeps adjusting to hotter & hotter water? That's my mental landscape.

      1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
    10. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
      Replying to @fozmeadows

      Without a word to define what I'm feeling, I don't always notice how fucked up my headspace is getting because I constantly adjust to it.

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016

      My tendency to fast-cycle through multiple mental landscapes in a day? I've started calling it shortwave mania, just to help recognise it.

      2:37 AM - 30 Dec 2016
      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
          Replying to @fozmeadows

          This is helpful, not just in regulating my own behaviour, but in keeping track of how I'm treating/relating to the people around me.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 30 Dec 2016
          Replying to @fozmeadows

          "Mood swings" isn't a helpful term for me, because it suggests a pattern that's both erratic & uninfluenced by outside stimuli. This isn't.

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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