Without knowing it was an actual, discreet phenomenon, it was easy to tell myself nothing was actually wrong; that I was being dramatic.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Especially as someone with a vivid imagination, it's easy to fret over blurred lines between mental illness & stuff I just conjured up.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
(Maladaptive daydreaming, as a concept, is a fascinating intersection of the two. It's not what I do, but it does ring some bells.)
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Replying to @fozmeadows
The point being, knowing there are actual definitions and precedents for very personal feelings - shit it's hard to explain - is SO HELPFUL.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
I don't have to say "I felt like my torso was invisible & insensate, my consciousness remotely steering from behind my head"- there's a word
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Just like I don't have to say "the thought of getting dressed left me nauseated, wanting to rip off my skin w. the wrongness of it" either.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
The thing I'm discovering as I get more words for my established issues & behaviours is how many iffy workarounds I've always had for them.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Meaning: here is a thing I was vaguely aware of as A Problem, but because I didn't think it was real, I left it unaddressed except for X.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Classic example: I bite/tear/worry my fingernails as an anxious habit. Have done since I was a kid. So now, I keep nail-clippers everywhere.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
Nail clippers don't stop whatever it is that makes my nail-mistreatment a compulsion. It just means I don't damage my body by doing it.
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Ditto as a teen w. dysphoria: I didn't know that's what it was, just that certain clothes had to be reserved for certain days to feel sane.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
It never used to make sense to me, how many clothes I had for someone who a) viscerally hates clothes shopping and b) isn't into fashion.
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Replying to @fozmeadows
I'd always try to turf stuff out, but hang onto particular seldom-worn items b/c some days they felt "necessary". I didn't understand it.
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