Guys. I’m so tired. The Florida Virtual Curriculum is always bad but today it is TESTING ME. A thread:
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THEN we have a “retelling” of The Three Billy Goats Gruff which, for reasons I do not understand, is now all about recycling. Like. You did not need to ape a fairy tale to tell a recycling story! WHY IS THIS WHAT IS HAPPENING WHAT IS THE POINT.pic.twitter.com/0dpww8Bq9P
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I can feel the will to live physically leaving my body, you guys.pic.twitter.com/NTyYwtLoj3
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The thing is, though. Because the FVC is so committed to removing any hint of conflict or feeling from its stories, there is nothing here to analyse - but that’s what they want the kids to do.pic.twitter.com/HXfaXlbvxj
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And I just. Angering the troll does not classify as a “problem,” narratively speaking, because it’s not something the characters have to overcome! They are not threatened by him! Their encounter is an *event* at best! THIS IS NOT HOW STORIES OR ANALYSIS WORKSpic.twitter.com/BY5DHBabmM
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And then. AND THEN. We go through to a quiz about the story we just read WHERE THE POLLUTING GOATS FROM, QUOTE, “THE EAST SIDE” WHOSE LITTERING MAKES THEIR NEIGHBOURHOOD DIRTY HAVE MAGICALLY BECOME A TRIO OF BLACK CHILDREN ARE YOU *FUCKING* KIDDING ME WITH THIS RACIST NONSENSEpic.twitter.com/kFOR8ajpdK
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What I assume happened here is that the original version of the story was the racist one, and some lone voice of reason was like “hey, maybe we could Not do that,” so they commissioned new artwork but forgot to change which version appeared in the appended quiz. And I just.pic.twitter.com/jJZ4nShJuN
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We proceed to the next part of the quiz, where we have yet ANOTHER pointlessly anodyne story. You guys, I am a grown-ass professional writer and even I could not guess which of these was going to be the “central message,” but my 8yo got it right at least. But like -pic.twitter.com/173Xegburu
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- once again, this paragraph is so goddamn anodyne that YOU CANNOT CLAIM THAT IT HAS A CENTRAL MESSAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS A FUCKING ANECDOTE, NOT A STORY!! It doesn’t have a “message” because it’s not trying to teach you anything!! I HATE IT HERE YOU GUYS IM
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And THEN we get to THIS, where “been” apparently doesn’t have a long e sound?? BOTH THESE ANSWERS ARE CORRECT, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, WHO WROTE THISpic.twitter.com/W7xPLMEhJM
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And after all this, the 8yo is expected to answer a suitably incoherent question: “what is your favorite subject are in school and why.” Lay me to rest. I am DONE.pic.twitter.com/2TggnQFCAh
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End of conversation
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