The Winnipeg Jets - straight verging into bicurious, but only because of Adam Lowry; otherwise the straight gremlin vibes that Laine is giving off are dominant.
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The Colorado Avalanche - loving disaster gays entranced by the raw beauty of Gabe Landeskog's cheekbones. Though Tyson "No Filter" Barrie is gone, his legacy lives on in the form of Tyson "Smug Twink" Jost.
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The Florida Panthers - lowkey bi but chill about it right up until the hit the club, at which point all bets are off.
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The Boston Bruins - just a bunch of horny fratboys trying to figure out their sexuality in the absence of Zdeno Chara and the presence of whatever Brad Marchand keeps doing with his tongue.
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The Montreal Canadiens - elitist gays with "no fats/no femmes/no Russians" in their Grindr bio.
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The Nashville Predators - full-on European kinky gay, which is 5% due to Roman Josi's bone structure and 95% due to whatever it is that Pekka Rinne and Juuse Saros have going on.
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The Detroit Red Wings - aggressively kinky bisexuals, up for anything. Dylan Larkin can and will send a "wyd" text at 1am and get Results.
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The New York Rangers - lowkey cosmopolitan gay. Big penthouse, suit kink and martini vibes. Henrik Lundqvist might be on IR but his status as a queer sexual awakening for many remains.
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The New York Islanders - louche flirty dirtbag bisexual vibes. Will eye you up at a party and then blow you in the bathroom.
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The Chicago Blackhawks - straight and rapey until such time as Patrick Kane fucks OFF.
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The Minnesota Wild - straight-passing but actually poly and queer as hell.
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The San Jose Sharks - vocal straight allies who'll wingman for their gay buddies, no problem! Try any slurs and Brent Burns will go full Viking on your ass.
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The Carolina Hurricanes - bisexual with a chip on their shoulder. Routinely forgets the safe and sane parts of safe, sane and consensual because they're trying to prove something, but in, like, a competitive way, not a trauma way, at least thus far.
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AND FINALLY, the Seattle Kraken - still tbd, though the name has very promising monsterfucker vibes.
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THREAD UPDATE: with Laine to the Jackets and Dubois to the Jets, Winnipeg just got thirstier and Columbus just got straighter.
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