all right i'm gonna tell you a story about my first day working at waldenbooks, which happened to be the same day Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince came outhttps://twitter.com/ciaraturnerart/status/1341654293724635138 …
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so i show up to waldenbooks to start my first shift ever. i'm excited, i'm stupid, i'm ready to be a bookseller. i show up in jeans and a little button-up shirt. everyone else at this waldenbooks is decked out like thispic.twitter.com/2YEu8yivri
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manager's dressed up like rita skeeter. we got a gilderoy lockhart in the mix, and they fucking WENT for it, guy looked like a magical neon pimp. they look at my normcore ass, and my emaciated frame and messy hair and glasses. someone goes "you know who they look like"
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i'm sitting at a little table at the front of the waldenbooks with my boy gilderoy lockhart, lightning bolt scrawled on my forehead, black robe, the whole bit. suddenly, a tiny child comes up to us with her mom in tow. insistent little look on her face. she's clutching the book.
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"she wants you to sign it, harry" the mom says. little kid thrusts the book forward. her eyes are shining with excitement, like when a cat sees something they can't wait to murder. she thinks i'm harry fucking potter. gilderoy lockhart nudges me with his spangly elbow.
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i'm panicking. i'm not harry potter! i don't want to lie to a child, especially one who looks like a pixar character! you can go to hell for that. this kid is gonna grow up and realize some fly-by-night waldenbooks dipshit pulled the wool over her eyes. she'll never trust again
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"uh," i say, taking the book, and i look at the mom. she does not make a cutthroat motion, but she doesn't have to because her eyes are scalpels and she will murder me if i break this kid's heart. i sign my name on the inside cover. harry potter has shitty handwriting apparently
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kiddo yells "THANK YOU HARRY POTTER" and bounces away like a happy little bird. mom says "thank you" and winks at me. i turn to gilderoy lockhart, who says "nice work, you fuckin' liar" and promptly gags on an earwax-flavored jellybean. anyway i miss waldenbooks
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