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fozmeadows's profile
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
@fozmeadows

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Foz Meadows

@fozmeadows

Author, fanwriter, trash bandit, queer geek feminist, dork. Jack of all pronouns, mxtress of none. Yells about hockey. Aussie in the US.

Irvine, CA
fozmeadows.wordpress.com
Joined February 2009

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    1. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      What we're talking about here is a sexist dominance tactic, a sort of weird hybrid of negging, aggressive hitting-on and gatekeeping all at once. The whole point of these moments is for the dude to get a reaction from the (usually) woman he's talking to, for HIS benefit.

      6 replies 106 retweets 1,758 likes
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    2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      It's not about having a meeting of the mutually filthy minds, then later being strung up for it. It's about a dude deliberately trying to figure out where someone's boundaries are about sexual jokes, so that he can escalate or, if they establish a boundary, dismiss them.

      3 replies 99 retweets 1,585 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      If a well-intentioned person misreads the room and makes a gross joke, then they'll already be invested enough in the people they're talking to to be AWARE of the prospect of misreading the room, to gauge the reactions around them, and apologise immediately for a mishit.

      2 replies 52 retweets 1,293 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      But when skeevy dudes do it, it's a deliberate winnowing tactic. They don't want to talk to "prudish" women who won't let them get sexually gross in conversation, so they throw out a feeler comment purposefully to see if it gets a negative reaction.

      2 replies 66 retweets 1,451 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      If the reaction is negative, that woman is coded as undesirable/frigid/prudish/ugly/boring - whatever their insult du jour is for Unfuckable Lady I Don't Wanna Bother With - and they'll close her out. But if she endures it, even visibly upset, that's a win for them.

      4 replies 55 retweets 1,334 likes
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    6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      Because what they've just learned is that this woman won't backtalk their grossness in public; will let their boundaries be pushed, so that they guy can feel justified in saying whatever gross shit he's thinking about her body or sexuality or whatever, even in veiled terms.

      3 replies 49 retweets 1,204 likes
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    7. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      But because these guys want to be protected from criticism, very occasionally, they'll go out of their way to befriend someone who reacts negatively to their gross teaser comment; probably, if we're being honest in a professional setting, someone who has more influence than them.

      1 reply 29 retweets 1,051 likes
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    8. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      They will cultivate that person as a good reference, who will vouch for them to other prospective AFAB folks they want to get in with, but will always be careful never to show their true self to the shield, or else to downplay it as just some random with a grudge against them.

      5 replies 33 retweets 1,018 likes
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    9. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 25 Jun 2020

      I will also say, there's another variant on this level of harassment, where straight women are aggressively sexual and inappropriate with gay men they've just met. It's all about claiming some part of that person as "theirs" and feeling entitled to their bodies or fantasies.

      2 replies 60 retweets 1,204 likes
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      Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 26 Jun 2020

      I’m sorry you had to deal with that

      10:43 AM - 26 Jun 2020
      0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes

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