Jumping back on my own thread because I want to explicitly address how self-professed "nice guys" end up doing this sort of thing.
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Which is why they react with outrage, distress and/or hostility the first time they get called on it. What, can't a guy be interested in a woman AT ALL without being yelled at? They don't want to admit that they're taking advantage of a professional setting to be personally gross
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- and unless they sit the fuck down, do some serious self-reflection, apologise and actively work to be better? THIS is when they start trying to cut the women who "can't handle a joke" and "don't have a sense of humour" out of their professional circles.
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It might not even be a conscious thing (after all, you're not doing anything wrong! that person is just being judgemental and harsh, and you don't want to call them out and make it, like, a THING, you're a Nice Guy who likes feminism! you just... don't wanna talk to them, either)
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but that's how the pattern starts. They start to cultivate the fans and industry peers around them at cons as potential hookup pools, and tell themselves they're just enjoying the right not to be criticised while they're having fun.
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From there, it's a short step to thinking it's funny to piss off "that kind of person" by overtly joking grossly to make them go away faster; to learning behavioural shortcuts to insure the greatest number of potential hookups to fewest number of critics.
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And suddenly it's been years, and this established dude has completely forgotten what it's like NOT to be surrounded by eager, interested women at cons; it might not happen elsewhere in his life, but that only cements cons as The Best Time For Hookups instead of pro events.
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As he grows in influence, he doesn't consider that the women flocking to him want or have careers of their own; after all, they're there for HIM. There's no impropriety; it's not like he's *forcing* them or anything. He's only cultivating the people he has around him, that's all.
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And meanwhile, all those women who he upsets, ignores, or fucks and dumps, and never considers as peers or future peers or equals - those women talk to each other. They steadily realise they're not alone; they form networks. They warn others. And then, eventually - they speak.
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End of conversation
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Stealing the term “ego-candy”.
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