I waited for like fifteen minutes in the CVS time-out corner before they called my name Along with another name And I approached the counter alongside perhaps the coolest, hottest girl I have ever personally witnessed
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Purple hair, great tattoos, cool boots, those pants with the sheer part on the calf that make you look like you're from the future. If you want to picture my face in that moment, imagine the heart eyes emoji but with deadpool skin
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I of course am doing the classic flirtation move of "pretend the other person does not exist while still acting as flustered as possible," fidgeting with my credit card, looking everywhere but at the absolute bonafide BABE standing beside me when I hear "Hey"
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My very suave response: "Oh, you -- uh, hey? Hey!" (nailed it)pic.twitter.com/tsLynUKlpG
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In roughly the way an attractive and cool girl might say things, she said "I like your tajdkfhh" I said "you like wHAT" She leaned closer and *smiled* at me and said "Your tattoos. I like them a lot. They're really pretty." Y'all know me by now, do you think I handled it well
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I opened my mouth to say something really suave and brilliant like "you're the most intimidating person I've ever seen and I would be very happy to kill for you, any person of your choosing, in exchange for your continued regard" but I didn't get a chance to speak
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Before I could say anything to this VERY tall VERY beautiful VERY terrifying person, two things happened. Thing one: my cane, which had been slowly sliding sideways the entire time, fell down with a loud clatter, knocking an enema off the VERY prominent enema display
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(Not to absolve myself of responsibility here but WHY would you put SO MANY ENEMAS right directly in front of the FLIRTATION COUNTER)
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Thing 2: As my cane hit the floor, we both bent down to pick it up, which COULD have been a great meet-cute moment except that the pharmacist appeared and called down to us, in a carrying voice, to make sure I heard "I've got some OINTMENT for GAILEY!! Is this YOUR OINTMENT??"
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so anyway between the enemas and the ointment I'm thinking it's a good thing the doctor said I can't go outside for a little while
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[to the tune of mna-mna] ena-mana doo doooo de doo doo
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