And then there's the problem of benevolent stereotypes, where we feel that the declarative thing we're saying about another group is positive and so therefore MUST be acceptable, even if it comes from a place of total fucking ignorance and cultural misapprehension.
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I know the vast majority of us went through secondary education systems that tended to prize rote learning over critical thought, but the world isn't school, and sooner or later, you need to know how to admit fault without a graded paper in front of you.
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If you're a Nice White Lady who has conniptions when told that a thing you said or did was racist because Niceness is a core part of your identity, consider that a *genuinely* nice person would care about having hurt someone else. Someone who only *performs* niceness would not.
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Even if you can't see how what you did or said was hurtful in the moment, recognise that the other person is indeed hurt apologise for it, then SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY. And unless you truly don't care about hurting people/niceness? Don't do the thing again anyway.
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