So we say to the more marginalised: see, WE can laugh at ourselves, so why can't you? Except, of course, that we're telling ourselves the joke isn't actually at OUR expense; it only applies to Uncool Girls, whereas the joke we want others to excuse is one WE just made about THEM.
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Here's the thing: nobody else can do your thinking for you. You can ask for people to provide links and triple-source their arguments about Why The Thing Was Racist 'till you're blue in the face, but if you're not prepared to actually THINK about the material, it's pointless.
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I know the vast majority of us went through secondary education systems that tended to prize rote learning over critical thought, but the world isn't school, and sooner or later, you need to know how to admit fault without a graded paper in front of you.
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If you're a Nice White Lady who has conniptions when told that a thing you said or did was racist because Niceness is a core part of your identity, consider that a *genuinely* nice person would care about having hurt someone else. Someone who only *performs* niceness would not.
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Even if you can't see how what you did or said was hurtful in the moment, recognise that the other person is indeed hurt apologise for it, then SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY. And unless you truly don't care about hurting people/niceness? Don't do the thing again anyway.
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