We tell sexist jokes with our white dude friends and laugh because *they're* laughing, which must mean we're one of the Cool Girls and therefore not the subject of the joke; we're in a separate category of woman to whom social sexism doesn't apply, b/c we can "take a joke".
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Accept that you're going to screw up sometimes, despite your best intentions. Accept that it won't always feel good to be told you've screwed up, but that, if the screw-up hurt someone, your feeling bad about it doesn't outweigh their hurt and shouldn't be their problem.
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Here's the thing: nobody else can do your thinking for you. You can ask for people to provide links and triple-source their arguments about Why The Thing Was Racist 'till you're blue in the face, but if you're not prepared to actually THINK about the material, it's pointless.
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I know the vast majority of us went through secondary education systems that tended to prize rote learning over critical thought, but the world isn't school, and sooner or later, you need to know how to admit fault without a graded paper in front of you.
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If you're a Nice White Lady who has conniptions when told that a thing you said or did was racist because Niceness is a core part of your identity, consider that a *genuinely* nice person would care about having hurt someone else. Someone who only *performs* niceness would not.
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Even if you can't see how what you did or said was hurtful in the moment, recognise that the other person is indeed hurt apologise for it, then SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY. And unless you truly don't care about hurting people/niceness? Don't do the thing again anyway.
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You know. I understand this feeling. I have had this feeling. Ok maybe not this exact feeling, but I've had that internal debate. And as a (nice) white lady, I know there's a lot of shit that was subconsciously programmed into me. I bet this is just one more thing on the list.
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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