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fozmeadows's profile
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
@fozmeadows

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Foz Meadows

@fozmeadows

Author, fanwriter, trash bandit, queer geek feminist, dork. Jack of all pronouns, mxtress of none. Yells about hockey. Aussie in the US.

Irvine, CA
fozmeadows.wordpress.com
Joined February 2009

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    Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 26 Dec 2019

    So, look: about this whole RWA mess. I'm not a member of the organisation, but I am a writer who cares a ton about diversity and romance, so I'd like to give my perspective on being a white lady (or afab genderqueer person, in my case) who has done Dumb Racist Stuff.

    11:57 PM - 26 Dec 2019
    • 251 Retweets
    • 988 Likes
    • psiten @ not enough brain WeeWoo ネモ🔥@vldefander🚀🖤♥️ jay 祥寳 Librarian Mama Vaccinated Super Flower Blood Moon🖋️📚🐕 K Braun 8645110320 no pride in genocide Jena Marie DiPinto, M.S.Ed.
    17 replies 251 retweets 988 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 26 Dec 2019

        Whenever racism comes up as an issue in cases like this, there's always people - and, let's be honest, self-professed Nice White Ladies number significantly among them - who think that intent matters more than impact. If they don't MEAN to be racist or FEEL racist, they can't be!

        1 reply 34 retweets 423 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Here's the thing: while there is, indeed, a distinction to be made between someone who is openly, purposefully hateful and someone who is hateful via accident or ignorance, that distinction can very quickly become meaningless if:

        1 reply 30 retweets 347 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        a) the accidental bigot reacts with hostility or by placing more importance on their own distress than their victim's when called out; b) if they don't apologise or even try to understand the problem; and/or c) if they remain repeat offenders despite being told the problem.

        3 replies 23 retweets 501 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        To give an example, running someone over maliciously is technically different to running them over as a drunk/careless driver, but if you do a hit and run, then claim you barely hit them, yell that they damaged your car and are a bad person anyway and don't fix your driving? Yeah

        1 reply 14 retweets 354 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Here's the thing about being a white lady: even if you're marginalised along other axes, you can still have a lot of privilege. In an (often unconscious) effort to mitigate the bigotry you face, it is very very easy to bond with those who *share* your privileges by being bigoted.

        2 replies 33 retweets 371 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        It's possible to do this even while caring about the subjects of your bigotry, in no small part because we're raised in a racist society and, especially when we're younger, we don't always recognise the dog whistles for what they are; we just know using them helps us fit in.

        2 replies 15 retweets 274 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        At other times, we think bigotry towards more marginalised groups is okay because - again, often as an effort to fit in with the people oppressing us - we've learned to make sexist jokes about ourselves (or about "other girls"), not recognising them as a form of self-hatred.

        1 reply 8 retweets 248 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        We tell sexist jokes with our white dude friends and laugh because *they're* laughing, which must mean we're one of the Cool Girls and therefore not the subject of the joke; we're in a separate category of woman to whom social sexism doesn't apply, b/c we can "take a joke".

        1 reply 10 retweets 281 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        So we say to the more marginalised: see, WE can laugh at ourselves, so why can't you? Except, of course, that we're telling ourselves the joke isn't actually at OUR expense; it only applies to Uncool Girls, whereas the joke we want others to excuse is one WE just made about THEM.

        1 reply 7 retweets 238 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        And then there's the problem of benevolent stereotypes, where we feel that the declarative thing we're saying about another group is positive and so therefore MUST be acceptable, even if it comes from a place of total fucking ignorance and cultural misapprehension.

        2 replies 9 retweets 228 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        For example: "But why is it racist to tell a Chinese person she must be good at maths? That's a compliment!" It's racist because you're making assumptions based entirely race, which is exactly as offensive as if a random man assumed you loved shoe shopping because you're female.

        3 replies 12 retweets 285 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Even if you DO like shoe shopping, having some random man grin at you and expect you to praise him for his Awesome Powers of Deduction because that was his opening line on seeing that you were a lady, it's still insulting, because it's not ABOUT you at all. It's a stereotype.

        1 reply 8 retweets 245 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        And when you stereotype someone, it's inherently othering, because what you're doing is saying, "I don't need to get to know you, because I can already guess what you are, and if you disagree with my guesses you're just being difficult." It's deindividuating and - yes - racist.

        1 reply 26 retweets 344 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Here's the thing: part of the difficulty of being raised to be a Nice White Lady in a sexist, patriarchal setting is that, over and over again, you're told that womanhood makes you a bastion of natural goodness, and that being Bad in any way is fundamentally unwomaning.

        2 replies 28 retweets 314 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Particularly for Nice White Straight Christian Ladies who were raised to be such, there's this immense cultural pressure to always be seen to be *trying* to be Nice and Good, because intent *matters* in that context, especially if you're going heavy on the Christian influence.

        1 reply 15 retweets 287 likes
        Show this thread
      17. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        The worst thing you can accuse a woman of in this context is of *deliberately* being Bad, because that's tantamount to her not caring about her womanhood, which is culturally The Biggest Insult. This also means you use passive-aggression and inference so as not to be Bad yourself

        2 replies 14 retweets 240 likes
        Show this thread
      18. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        In this moral-cultural context, therefore, being told that intention matters less than impact? It's not intuitive. It literally doesn't parse, because if TRYING to be nice doesn't matter, then what's the point of anything? Never mind that ignoring impact leads to toxicity.

        1 reply 9 retweets 241 likes
        Show this thread
      19. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        All of which is a way of saying: I understand *why* so many Nice White Ladies get het up and defensive and cry crocodile tears about how they've been WOUNDED TO THE CORE when told that a thing they said or did was racist. But understanding something doesn't excuse it.

        2 replies 19 retweets 299 likes
        Show this thread
      20. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Accept that you're going to screw up sometimes, despite your best intentions. Accept that it won't always feel good to be told you've screwed up, but that, if the screw-up hurt someone, your feeling bad about it doesn't outweigh their hurt and shouldn't be their problem.

        1 reply 73 retweets 415 likes
        Show this thread
      21. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Here's the thing: nobody else can do your thinking for you. You can ask for people to provide links and triple-source their arguments about Why The Thing Was Racist 'till you're blue in the face, but if you're not prepared to actually THINK about the material, it's pointless.

        1 reply 17 retweets 251 likes
        Show this thread
      22. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        I know the vast majority of us went through secondary education systems that tended to prize rote learning over critical thought, but the world isn't school, and sooner or later, you need to know how to admit fault without a graded paper in front of you.

        2 replies 16 retweets 247 likes
        Show this thread
      23. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        If you're a Nice White Lady who has conniptions when told that a thing you said or did was racist because Niceness is a core part of your identity, consider that a *genuinely* nice person would care about having hurt someone else. Someone who only *performs* niceness would not.

        4 replies 199 retweets 782 likes
        Show this thread
      24. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        Even if you can't see how what you did or said was hurtful in the moment, recognise that the other person is indeed hurt apologise for it, then SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT IT PROPERLY. And unless you truly don't care about hurting people/niceness? Don't do the thing again anyway.

        3 replies 41 retweets 372 likes
        Show this thread
      25. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 Dec 2019

        FIN

        19 replies 2 retweets 206 likes
        Show this thread
      26. End of conversation

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