Thread: particularly in online group spaces, we really need to start distinguishing between venting and indulging in what I'm going to call a toxic waste dump, which is bringing all your worst thoughts and toxic paranoia to a boil and then pouring it out at others.
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Particularly in group contexts, where one person is venting to multiple others, I'd argue that a sign of waste-dumping - or at very least, a discourtesy - is to precede a rant with something like, "of course, YOU all agree with me," when this has not actually been established.
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In real terms, this is the emotional equivalent of putting someone on the spot by asking them for something in front of an audience, though done a different way: it's coercive, in that it preemptively isolates anyone who might disagree with or be hurt by what comes next.
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Venting in online social spaces is frequently implicitly - and sometimes explicitly - understood to mean that the speaker is asking to be heard and, possibly, for sympathy; offering advice is sometimes accepted, but arguing the premise of the vent is considered aggressive & bad.
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And this is fine! Sometimes, we really just need to get something off our chests in a private space. The issue can be large or small: anything from processing grief and trauma to that annoying coworker who chews REALLY GODDAMN LOUD in the neighbouring cubicle.
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But a toxic waste-dump is toxic in the same way bad coping mechanisms and ignorance are toxic: it's a form of lashing out or indulging in behaviour that harms the speaker, but which - critically - the audience is not allowed to address as such.
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Again, I'm speaking as someone with mental health issues - which is also *why* this matters to me. There's a big difference between venting your bad brain gremlins *while acknowledging this is what they are,* to an audience who knows the deal, & treating those gremlins as Valid.
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Example - Vent: My mental health is bad today, it's making me really jealous of the success of others, like I hate everyone who's doing well. Waste Dump: Fuck those people, they're not even GOOD and they're tweeting about their stuff?? THEY SHOULDN'T DO THAT, IT HURTS ME.
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Like I just. I'm finding this really hard to articulate, which is why this thread is taking so long, but I've been online long enough to see countless vent channels treated as blast channels by people who don't stop to think about the emotional energy of listeners.
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Partly (I think) the rise of toxic waste dumps has been aided by better group chat tech, where you can make extra channels set aside for venting, which in turn makes people feel they can be indiscriminate in what they say - because if people get stressed, they can tab out! BUT.
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The ability of the listener to close the vent thread/window/channel while remaining otherwise in the same chat shouldn't constitute carte blanche to spew our worst thoughts at the people who are kind enough to stick around and listen, and I think this gets forgotten a LOT.
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I also think (additional hot take incoming) that the parallel rise in salt as thing to indulge in and share, again often in the same sort of semi-separate space, is fuelling the unconscious idea that giving in to our worst mental impulses and petty jealousies is cool and fun.
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Like, not to go to deep on the synonym-slang angle, but salt is a condiment you use *sparingly* - too much of it ruins the meal, and as an accident with a salt-shaker and my uncle's otherwise excellent bolognese can attest, too TOO much will literally make a person sick.
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I'm not saying don't vent to your friends. I'm not even saying that having dark, angry thoughts about stuff is bad or makes you a bad person. But when you share those gremlin-thoughts, you *need* to acknowledge them as such, or show willing to have them labelled by others.
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Because if not, you're taking advantage of a social covenant - Arguing With The Venter Makes You An Asshole - to spew your own toxic gremlins onto others, thereby causing upset to the people who are trying to help you feel better.
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