BABY JR BOURNEpic.twitter.com/RzNwA5v1f4
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the BATHROOM has a GLASS FLOOR and the TEENAGE GIRL is THRILLED, which TELLS ME that a DUDE wrote this "MOVIE"
oh baby jr bourne, you don't know this yet, but it gets better. one day you play a hot werewolf-hunting dad on mtv. you have a BEARD.
HOLY SHIT THE NEKKIT TITTYGHOST IS EMBETH DAVITZ MISS HONEY'S LIFE TOOK A DARK FUCKING TURN APPARENTLY
what is even this protracted scene where the daughter can't tell she's sharing a bathroom with the nekkid tittyghost and the ghost is kinda looking at her?? weird sexual tension?? GHOST tension??
"Did the lawyer split?" asks the babysitter, which is An Joque because of how he got SLICED IN HALF, geddit?
meanwhile the tiny child is off seeing horrific ghosts armed with only a scotter and ran SMACK BANG into a glass door like a confused bird
aw his ghostmom is here to try and save him from the bad ghosts!
what were the director's instructions to matthew lillard? "so, you're a crazed psychic who acts like he's on magic meth, but you're also like, put-upon and overreacting to everything."
TEEN DAUGHTER'S SHIRT GETTING SCRATCHED OPEN TO THE BRA BY CAGEHEAD GHOST
oh wait the fucking weird lesbian-energy Ghost Rights Activist is embeth davitz, the nekkid tittyghost is someone else, my bad
"we're in the middle of a machine designed by the devil and powered by the dead" god bless this terrible scripte
"can I rely on you not to get me killed?" "I guarantee nothing"
love how all the adults are together and the kids are just like. Lost?? in the murderghost house? and this has someone ceased to be an immediate priority??
"how do you lose an entire family in a glass house?" matthew jatthew lillard you are not HELPING
ok honestly you know what? the whole dark zodiac soul engine concept is genuinely cool and deserving of a much better movie
I'll say this for thirteen ghosts, at least it has the common goddamn decency to pass the bechdel test and not have the sole black character die first
they are deadass carrying an ENTIRE PLATE GLASS WINDOW around as a ghost shield, I am DYING
y'know, we don't see much of embeth davitz anymore. why is that? did she just decide to do other things or did some hollywood sleezeball blacklist her for ignoring his boner?
OH PLOT TWIST, EMBETH GHOST ACTIVIST WAS IN ON IT WITH CYRUS, WHO ISN'T DEAD AND NOW HE'S BETRAYING HER BACK
or like, I assume he's about to betray her back, what with being not dead and called cyrus and all
RIP matthew lillard, your body is dead but your scenery-chewing lives on
love how embeth ghost activist was apparently down for endangering the kids until cyrus explicitly told her to Do It Herself and APPARENTLY that's like, one step too far even tho they're already LOST IN A MURDERGHOST HOUSE
not gonna lie, it's hard to take dad's pathos seriously when he's crying while wearing terrible plastic ghostglasses
aaaaand THERE'S THE BETRAYAL, cyrus squeezed embeth to death between two glass walls like a stone-cold BIATCH
yes, we certainly needed a several-minutes long recap of this Extremely Complex Plot right at the finale,
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