HOLY SHIT JR BOURNE IS IN THIS??
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Oh my god we’re seeing a Family Tragedy unfold over the credits except we’re not actually seeing it it’s just voiceover as we pan through an increasingly sad house?
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A fucking six year old is doing a fake radio show where he talks about cancer being down but suicide being sky high what IS this film??
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“Hey Bobby, you’ve got a late uncle!” “What’s he late for?” “His next birthday.”
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“Our mom got burned to death in a fire.” “Bobby!” “What? It’s true!”
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THE DAD JUST SAID HE THINKS IT LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET BETTER AS THEY DRIVE TK THE MURDERGHOST HOUSE
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CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT THE FUCKING GHOST’S RIGHTS ACTIVISTS IN THE OPENING SCENE TELLING CYRUS IT’S SLAVERY TO IMPRISON MURDERGHOSTS
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Matthew Lillard and JR Bourne are having a weird twinky snarkoff at each other what is HAPPENING
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“It’s Latin!” says the dad excitedly, referring to the cursive writing etched into the FUCKING GLASS WALLS of his GLASS MURDERHOUSE
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The walls of the house in Thirteen Ghosts are glass because the actors chewed all the scenery HEYOOOOOO
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Words cannot adequately convey to you what Matthew Lillard looks like in this film
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“I used to hunt displaced spiritual energies with your uncle,” says an extremely sane-looking Matthew Lillard. “Ghosts.” “Goats?” asks the confused father. “GHOOOOOOOSTS!”
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the BATHROOM has a GLASS FLOOR and the TEENAGE GIRL is THRILLED, which TELLS ME that a DUDE wrote this "MOVIE"
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oh baby jr bourne, you don't know this yet, but it gets better. one day you play a hot werewolf-hunting dad on mtv. you have a BEARD.
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HOLY SHIT THE NEKKIT TITTYGHOST IS EMBETH DAVITZ MISS HONEY'S LIFE TOOK A DARK FUCKING TURN APPARENTLY
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what is even this protracted scene where the daughter can't tell she's sharing a bathroom with the nekkid tittyghost and the ghost is kinda looking at her?? weird sexual tension?? GHOST tension??
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"Did the lawyer split?" asks the babysitter, which is An Joque because of how he got SLICED IN HALF, geddit?
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meanwhile the tiny child is off seeing horrific ghosts armed with only a scotter and ran SMACK BANG into a glass door like a confused bird
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aw his ghostmom is here to try and save him from the bad ghosts!
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what were the director's instructions to matthew lillard? "so, you're a crazed psychic who acts like he's on magic meth, but you're also like, put-upon and overreacting to everything."
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TEEN DAUGHTER'S SHIRT GETTING SCRATCHED OPEN TO THE BRA BY CAGEHEAD GHOST
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