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fozmeadows's profile
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
@fozmeadows

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Foz Meadows

@fozmeadows

Author, fanwriter, trash bandit, queer geek feminist, dork. Jack of all pronouns, mxtress of none. Yells about hockey. Aussie in the US.

Irvine, CA
fozmeadows.wordpress.com
Joined February 2009

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    1. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      Apropos nothing, have a small thread about the care and feeding of socially anxious extroverts:

      1 reply 11 retweets 17 likes
      Show this thread
    2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      As an extrovert with a lot of introverted/quiet friends, I'm always trying to be considerate of other people's boundaries, which means a lot of internal stress about whether I'm being Too Much at any given time - too loud, too dominant, too annoying, too present.

      1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      Show this thread
    3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      Combine this stress with internet silence, and I'm often tying myself in knots about whether people hate me or just want me to shut up - except that I can't actually make myself *do* that forever, because of how much I need and love socialisation. Which makes me feel selfish.

      2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
      Show this thread
    4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      What's really helpful in these moments is people being clear about their needs and feelings. If someone is having a good time hanging out and says that overtly, it's not just nice - it reassures me that I haven't dragooned them into socialising by missing a soft no.

      1 reply 2 retweets 10 likes
      Show this thread
    5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      Similarly, if someone wants to set a boundary, decline an invitation I'm making or otherwise get me to shut up about my current Big Interest, it's super helpful to be told that outright; just going silent or politely ignoring the topic leaves me worried I've caused offence.

      1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
      Show this thread
    6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      This can become a vicious circle: if I need clarification about something from a friend, but know said friend is introverted or busy, I get paralysed about asking again, because I don't want to push a boundary by nagging or forcing them to socialise, but I'm still left hanging.

      2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
      Show this thread
    7. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      It also makes me uncertain about whether or not I'm actually wanted if I'm always or predominantly the one trying to organise socialisation. If I never get a return invite, my anxiety says to take that as a hint that the other person wants me to stop altogether.

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      Show this thread
      Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

      Particularly in my teens, I would cross boundaries all the time, not out of malice, but because I was so desperate to hang out that I routinely missed soft nos and cues to go home. It's left me with a perpetual fear of being needy and annoying as an adult.

      1:40 PM - 13 Apr 2019
      • 6 Likes
      • Renée, Minimum Viable Potato Architect Aldwin (they/them) Shauna O'Meara Sophie, devourer of books 📚 Pam Alias Pending
      2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

          This means my brain operates on two contradictory principles: one, I'm aware my anxiety may well be lying to me, but simultaneously aware that I can't always take a hint. This allows me to keep on extroverting, but always at the cost of lowkey assuming I'm just being tolerated.

          1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
          Show this thread
        3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

          Basically I - and a lot of other socially anxious extroverts - spend a lot of time feeling like giant doggos surrounded by tiny kittens: clumsy, taking up too much space, too enthusiastic, too big, too loud, and never sure we're meant to be quite where we are, even if we like it.

          2 replies 3 retweets 12 likes
          Show this thread
        4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

          All of which is a way of saying, it goes a long way with socially anxious extroverts if you take the time to reassure us that you enjoy our noisy friendship, clarify when you need space instead of ghosting, and otherwise just be explicit about your needs and preferences.

          1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
          Show this thread
        5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

          The last thing I want to be is the type of extrovert who steamrolls over other people, bullies friends into activities they don't enjoy, bombards busy folk with messages and otherwise makes a selfish nuisance of myself, but my brain isn't always reliable, so I need help.

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
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        6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 13 Apr 2019

          Anyway! This has been A Thread. FIN.

          3 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
          Show this thread
        7. End of conversation
        1. Ginny Tea‏ @ginnikin 13 Apr 2019
          Replying to @fozmeadows

          ❤❤❤

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