Sports therapist, holding up a photo of the Barclay Centre ice: All right, now show me where in this picture John Tavares hurt you. Dear John Islanders fans, through tears: You can't see it in this one; the seats are obstructed.
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The only thing in my head throughout that entire Dear John video was the scene in Futurama where Bender rounds up a group of emotionally damaged blind dates at the bus stop. I SWEAR TO GOD THEY FOUND THE REAL PETUNIA TO TALK ABOUT TAVARES LIKE HE WAS HER NO-GOOD FIRST HUSBAND.pic.twitter.com/QGTnI4WFo8
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Dear John Isles fans: WE DON'T NEED YOU, JOHN! WE *NEVER* NEEDED YOU! The literal rest of the NHL: Uh. Are you guys okay? Dear John Isles fans:pic.twitter.com/t1wILHivq8
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For real though, if the Isles sound guy doesn't start blasting Bad Blood by TSwift the *second* Tavares sets foot on the ice for warmups, then that is a goddamn WASTED OPPORTUNITY.
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BANDAIDS DON'T FIX BULLET-HOLES, JOHN.pic.twitter.com/epRrV1hzeC
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