Then, as you wait to pay (and pay, and pay), you hear it, the eerie words sung in the voice of a child who is not your own, first softly and then in a shouted crescendo: baby shARK DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO, BABY SHARK DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
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Inside the aquarium, the air is cool on your fevered skin. Moving with new urgency, you push your way to a tank where - finally, blessedly - you encounter sharks. You stare at them, smooth and whole. There are stairs beside the tank, and LEGO statues within. You climb the stairs.
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As you step into the open mouth of the shark tank, you have just enough time to see your complete transformation reflected in the glass - smooth skin, yellow, a plastic smile and cup-clawed hands - before you sink down, down, down.
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Baby sharks greet you, and it seems unnecessary even as it feels like coming home. Haven’t you always been here, still and smiling within their waters? Your rash is gone. The pain is gone. There is only the water, and sharks, and the jaundiced glow of Truth. Welcome to LEGOLAND.
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