OK, I've calmed down a bit but I still have something to say about this, so: a small thread on writer friendships and guilt.
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The thing about writer-friends is that, by dint of shared profession, they are also writer-colleagues. It's completely OK to ask a particular person to wear only the friend-hat if we need a cheer squad, but you cannot expect this behaviour from all people at all times.
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You know? I don't feel like I should have to explain that people, regardless of whether they're writers or readers or just family/friends, do not owe it to you to purchase your book, or read it, or promote it. Unless they also work as your agent/publicist, it's NOT THEIR JOB.
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Let me be very clear, here: when I say this, I don't mean that it's meaningless when friends DO support your work. It is very, very meaningful! What I mean is that this should be seen as an extra credit act of friendship, not the major assignment that determines pass/fail.
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Friends are busy. Friends have budgets. Friends have LIVES. And while our egos as authors would love it if we and our writing were always prioritised by everyone around us, it just doesn't work like that, and especially not when someone knows *many* writers.
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Particularly when you're new to the industry & writer friendships, it's super easy to burn yourself out by prioritising friends and their works over everything else. Whether you're doing it through ambition, duty or enthusiasm, treating friends like a job is, well - it's *work*.
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Do I try to show the fuck up for my writer friends? HELL yes. But with how many writers I know, I don't have enough time, money, energy or mental health - or, yes, bottomless enthusiasm - to buy and read and shout about every. single. book. And that's OKAY.
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So, yeah: when I see someone saying, in essence, "failing to buy the books your friends write for ANY REASON, failing to come to their events or read their works for ANY REASON, makes you a BAD AND TERRIBLE FRIEND WHO DOESN'T LOVE THEM," I am gonna be PISSED.
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Fuck right off with that insecure, emotionally blackmailing nonsense and take a seat, and possibly several deep breaths. Your sales don't hinge on friends; they hinge on *strangers* - on whether or not random people with no investment in you, personally, actually like your book.
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I get that this is terrifying to contemplate as a naked fact, because it's out of our control, whereas friends and family are, if not beholden to us, then demonstrably easier to influence than a faceless, as-yet-unknown readership. But bullying won't buy you loyalty.
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ANYWAY. That's it from me; I need to have a bath and read my review book - which, thus far, I am enjoying. FIN.
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End of conversation
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