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fozmeadows's profile
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
Foz Meadows
@fozmeadows

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Foz Meadows

@fozmeadows

Author, fanwriter, trash bandit, queer geek feminist, dork. Jack of all pronouns, mxtress of none. Yells about hockey. Aussie in the US.

Irvine, CA
fozmeadows.wordpress.com
Joined February 2009

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    1. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      It's so, so stressful, and of course, the nature of the industry is that it's largely verboten to talk about your bad industry experiences with other people in the industry. It makes you a complainer. It is Not Done.

      2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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    2. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      But I need to talk about it, if only in this very vague way, because I need to try and progress past it, too. This thread is my compromise. For the sake of my mental health, I *need* to be able to be open about the things that impact it, and why.

      1 reply 0 retweets 15 likes
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    3. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      And I also need to remind myself - in public, where I can't pretend I never said it or believed it - that I've had setbacks before, and doubtless will again, but that persistence, a willingness to improve and a bone-deep love of writing will get me through them.

      1 reply 0 retweets 14 likes
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    4. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      My final year ofschool, I was taking more subjects than anyone else in my grade. I was depressed, insomniac - and determined to write. As tired, as broken, as busy as I was, I still had a printout of my then-manuscript with me, editing on the train and under my desk at school.

      1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
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    5. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      A friend who knew me then, still one of my best, has said he always marvelled at how determined I was then to be a writer; how core to me it was, in the face of everything else. How it never wavered. That's who I need to be again: the stubborn girl on the train, red pen in hand.

      2 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
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    6. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      And I will be. I will be. I will be. So fucking help me, I will channel the spirit of Miranda's Hamilton and write that shit into existence, because I don't know any other way to be.

      1 reply 0 retweets 18 likes
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    7. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      When I can't write - when I'm afraid to write; when I'm paralysed by the fear that my writing won't succeed or matter - it's like I'm absent within myself. I curl up in some fundamental way, sinking into a self-made carapace of procrastination and self-deluding bullshit.

      1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
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    8. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      And I don't want to do that anymore. I want to acknowledge what I'm afraid of, and name it, and move on from it, or I'll be stuck in my own shelled head forever.

      1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
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    9. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      So. I'm not really sure how to wrap this up, because there's not a neat conclusion to things like this. I know my own habits of fooling myself; that doesn't make me immune to them. But I'm going to try, because I have to. Because to do anything less would be a disservice.

      2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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    10. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      Growing up with creative aspirations, it's easy to assume that there's going to come a point when you know you've Made It; when you're secure in yourself and never doubt thereafter. But that's bullshit, I think. Even the best artists in the world have moments of self-doubt.

      1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
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      Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

      "Stay afraid, but do it anyway." That's what Carrie Fisher said, and in honour of her glitter-flinging, bird-flipping spirit, that's what I'm going to do. Stay afraid, but do it anyway.

      6:14 AM - 27 May 2018
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      • Ellen Kushner the Writer Shecky Phoebe Barton 🏳️‍⚧️ 🚀 Rebecca Slitt C.L. Polk bogo_lode Fran Wilde Passing Strange At Present 💧Nigel Bell
      2 replies 0 retweets 43 likes
        1. Foz Meadows‏ @fozmeadows 27 May 2018

          FIN.

          1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
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        1. The Goldfish‏ @goldfish 27 May 2018
          Replying to @fozmeadows

          Really sorry that this has happened & set you back. Sounds like you've already learned so much and have a clear idea of how you need to approach things now, however very scary it is. Hope it gets a lot less scary. Very best of luck with everything!

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