I won't go into the specifics of what happened, or with whom; it's not relevant here. But since then, I've been absolutely paralysed. The experience was so awful that I'm constantly in the shadow of it. I'm terrified of a repeat performance. I can't be treated like that again.
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Growing up with creative aspirations, it's easy to assume that there's going to come a point when you know you've Made It; when you're secure in yourself and never doubt thereafter. But that's bullshit, I think. Even the best artists in the world have moments of self-doubt.
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"Stay afraid, but do it anyway." That's what Carrie Fisher said, and in honour of her glitter-flinging, bird-flipping spirit, that's what I'm going to do. Stay afraid, but do it anyway.
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