So I started going by queer a few months ago. The truth is, I just don’t know what I am any more. There’s so much about me I’m confused about, I don’t know if my attraction to men is real, I’ve been experiencing gender dysphoria, I just don’t know right now.
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I’ve wanted to explain myself for months but put it off in the hopes I’d find more answers before I had to. I could come out as a nonbinary lesbian and be done with it, but I want to be able to say it with my whole chest and be happy.
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My whole life I’ve had straight people insist on me being a lesbian, and in recent years I’ve been told I’m a queer traitor/lesbophobic by other lesbians for the pettiest of reasons. This absolutely doesn’t reflect the whole community by any means, but it’s been damaging.
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Calling myself queer is just easier than explaining everything I’m dealing with. It gives me something to say, yeah, this covers it, at least I know this is right. I could be completely wrong about the direction I’m going in but I just need to find that out for myself.
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So much is going on right now in the world and my life, I need time to figure myself out and I’ve accepted that. That’s why I’m writing this. I’m sure for some of you it shouldn’t have been necessary, but I hate it. I’ve accepted it, but I hate it. I just want to know what I am.
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I’m sorry I’ve been pretty heavy with my posts lately, I don’t want to upset anyone, I just ask for you to be careful about what you assume. Your words do more hurt than you may intend.
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She/her.