Guy

Applied for an account with a new digital bank over an hour and a half ago and it’s supposed to only take a few minutes but I still haven’t heard back so I think maybe they’re sending the police round to arrest me for being Italian on British soil

not clicking on that story about scientists teaching spinach to send emails

Every time I read something that mentions Gerald Ford pardoning Nixon, because I’ve never seen an actual photo of Ford my brain automatically visualises him as Sgt Taggart from the Beverly Hills Cop films.

This stuff is why everyone's muted me, isn't it

Relax. Only some kind of deeply psychotic, wounded narcissist in mortal terror of going to prison would consider using his last moments as commander-in-chief to order a rogue submarine captain stationed off the coast of Maryland to lob a 90-kiloton SLBM at his wicked tormentors

Sure it's fine that a madman who attempted a violent coup d’état, who lives for scorched-earth revenge and who has fanatical acolytes embedded in the armed forces will be speeding away from D.C. in a nukeproof military jet as the entire US Congress gathers around his rival below

Ma che cazzo fai @matteorenzi

Not sure the comma in that run-on sentence strictly follows recommended punctuation protocols but hastily injecting it in a slapdash fashion with no clear plan for a follow-up felt like the right thing to do, so let’s call it an Oxford/AstraZeneca comma

Last week, there were 400+ confirmed covid cases within a 1-mile radius of my house and I personally know 10 people who’ve caught it (including my next door neighbour) but maybe this anonymous lockdown-sceptic anti-vaxxer with 56 subscribers on YouTube is onto something

“dO yOU kNow AnYOne wHo’s AcTUaLly hAd iT, tHOugh?”

Just idly checked the covid hotspot map expecting to see a modest uptick only to find our neighbourhood's rolling rate has skyrocketed to 720 per 100,000, so if anyone needs me I’ll be boarding up the windows until July

Reason #8,473,211 why Zuck deserves to be encased in a special 2-dimensional prison and launched into outer space like those Superman II villainshttps://twitter.com/CIR_Estee/status/1338499107627872257 …

23 hours in to The Last of Us II, which has prematurely aged me by 5 years, I took a break from frantic scuffles with shrieking fungal night terrors in the ruins of Seattle to play fetch with a dog for 15 wholesome minutes and frankly THERE OUGHT TO BE MORE OF THAT SORT OF THING