The "toxic masculinity" nobody talks about is how men inoculate themselves from non-sexual interactions with women, and thus never discover that a lot of what men tell each other that women want is complete bullshit.https://twitter.com/_danilo/status/989176070460133378 …
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And then, because all they TALK to is other men, their goal of "finding a woman" ultimately melds into "impressing other men," and so they obsess with finding the perfect woman that signals their masculine triumph - and price themselves out of the market.
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(Note: I'm a pudgy, bug-eyed depressive polyamorous with a wife and other lovers, so my take is "If I can do it, anyone can." But I get dates-sometimes with classically beautiful people-because my desires aren't influenced by a struggle to get the perceived Lamborghini of women.)
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AND ALL OF THIS COULD BE SOLVED IF THESE DUDES TALKED TO WOMEN WHEN THEY WEREN'T TRYING TO FUCK THEM. If they didn't consider female conversation without sex to be a waste of time. They'd learn what women actually wanted instead of hand-me-down machismo stereotypes.
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That's what this form of toxic masculinity ultimately leads to: walling yourself off from experiences that don't match your perceived goal. A big circle-jerk where you'd rather deny your own sexual desire than change your mind. It'd be sad if it wasn't arrogantly self-inflicted.
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As it is, the best advice I can give to men looking to hook up is to look for friendships first, regardless of sex. Because women friends will give you new perspectives, sometimes introduce you around, broaden your knowledge of the many ways women of all kinds want to be wooed.
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Or you can stick to your "I AM AT LEAST A 7 ON THE ATTRACTIVENESS SCALE AND WILL SETTLE FOR NOTHING BUT A 7.5." Which fucks up twice: 1) Most women don't like being rated; 2) Your attraction isn't an objective quality, but is determined by each person who interacts with you.
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But the tragedy of the incels is that the people with the least amount of success are most convinced of how this works. And they don't question themselves. They just get furious that the world doesn't magically contort to their will.
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End of conversation
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It's self perpetuating though. They will point to dudes among their ranks and go oh if XYZ can't get a woman then I who look objectively worse than him and/have smaller penis than him can never succeed and this is something no amount of ballroom dancing classes can solve.
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I fear many have heard this sort of advice as there is a rich vein of mocking it as delusional. That ballroom dancing classes won't fix whatever hardwired self perceived fault of theirs. Their paradigm comes with rebuttals.
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