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fenritt's profile
fenritt
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fenritt
@fenritt

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fenritt

@fenritt

Psychodynamic therapist, mostly working with adolescents and young adults

Joined August 2018

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    fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

    Long thread! A few thoughts on adolescent girls who have desisted from identifying as boys... Something I’ve heard all of these girls talk about is that during the time they believed they were transgender, there was a lot of... pretending? ‘Striving’ might be a better word. 1/

    4:33 AM - 27 Sep 2018
    • 64 Retweets
    • 118 Likes
    • Worried mum3 stands with J.K. Rowling Becca Taylor CK Eve Jen🔥🐎🌞♍️🌛♒️⬆️♎️ Tara Bea Mathers 🕸️ Ann Clare Ariti 🤐🏁
    9 replies 64 retweets 118 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        These girls went to a lot of effort to present in stereotypically ‘male’ ways: beyond clothes and hair, this was a focus on ‘correcting’ facial expressions, gestures, posture, gait, speech patterns and pitch of voice... as well as interests, passtimes etc. 2/

        1 reply 2 retweets 52 likes
        Show this thread
      3. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        This effort was very conscious, and the aim was to make sure no-one could doubt that they were trans boys. I’ve heard many girls say that they couldn’t risk being disbelieved, or discredited. 3/

        1 reply 3 retweets 48 likes
        Show this thread
      4. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        No-one can say ‘it’s just a phase’ if you can prove to them that you’re really a boy- and you can maybe prove it by working hard enough, by showing your commitment to maleness. 4/

        1 reply 2 retweets 43 likes
        Show this thread
      5. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        Girls have told me they felt had to edit themselves, to lie about their feelings, their crushes, the things they liked or didn’t like -just to maintain the act. Lots of reports of trying to ignore their own confusion and doubts around trans ideology. 5/

        1 reply 2 retweets 54 likes
        Show this thread
      6. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        This leads me on to thinking about working with, and indeed living with, adolescent girls who ID as boys. They can be in such a precarious place - there can be so much work going into convincing themselves, and others, that this is the right path for them... 6/

        1 reply 1 retweet 42 likes
        Show this thread
      7. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        ...& they're constantly in fear of being criticised or doubted, both internally and externally. This means, for many of these kids, the adults in their lives need to step slowly & carefully when trying to encourage the young person to explore feelings & beliefs around gender. 7/

        2 replies 1 retweet 44 likes
        Show this thread
      8. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        Less is more. Challenges and questions need to be gentle, certainly at first. The more robust the challenge, the stronger the defensive reaction can be- passionate, angry, distraught responses, and denials that there’s any room for doubt. 8/

        3 replies 1 retweet 48 likes
        Show this thread
      9. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        We need to help these kids ~think~. Many girls have told me they were working very hard not to think, while they were trans - not wanting to ponder over the internal incongruities, conflicts, worries and confusion. Too risky, they need to ~believe~. 9/

        1 reply 3 retweets 55 likes
        Show this thread
      10. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        If they’re having this fight within themselves, and often winning, then concerned and/or sceptical adults will be relatively easy to dismiss. What we need to do is to listen to, and to ask questions about, the experiences these kids are going through. 10/

        1 reply 0 retweets 42 likes
        Show this thread
      11. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        Reflect with them about how they feel now, how they used to feel, how they hope they’ll feel in the future. Be calm and patient. If you spot inconsistencies, be mildly curious about them. Try to allow a free, directionless kind of thinking to happen between you... 11/

        1 reply 1 retweet 47 likes
        Show this thread
      12. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        ...which is often much easier said than done! But something to aim for. Trying to enable and encourage thinking in someone who feels it might be risky for them can be a bit like befriending a wary cat... 12/

        1 reply 0 retweets 45 likes
        Show this thread
      13. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        ...patience, restraint, and not too much energy or intent will often work better than rushing forward. Anxiety & conflict - either within ourselves or from/with those around us - can close down thinking... 13/

        1 reply 0 retweets 38 likes
        Show this thread
      14. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        ...& it seems that for many girls I know who’ve desisted, thinking about themselves in a curious way was the last thing they wanted to allow themselves to do. 14/

        1 reply 2 retweets 45 likes
        Show this thread
      15. fenritt‏ @fenritt 27 Sep 2018

        But if we feel that we have to shut down our ability to think in order to survive, we’re really not in a healthy place. 15/15

        5 replies 0 retweets 63 likes
        Show this thread
      16. End of conversation

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