I think what I want all the babyqueers trying earnestly to police the use of "dyke" by people who identify as (among other things) as dykes is this: The language of gender, sex, sexuality, desire is not fixed. We are always becoming, and doing so in relationship with the world.
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The idea that our gender/sex/sexuality is super specific, innate, and fixed is a very recent and historically specific truth. That doesn't make it less valid for those who find meaning in that paradigm. But it is not universal. It is not everyone's truth.
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Yes, we want to be careful with our words. We want to use the language others choose for themselves and know the power and meanings of the words we use for ourselves. Those meanings may be multiple and contextual.
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Words I have used to speak about my queerness that are all true: fluid, bi, gay, pan, demi, lesbian, sapphic, dyke, queer, not straight.
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It's particularly important to me -- as a woman with bi/demi/pan desire, who *for a full decade plus* gaslit myself convinced I was not queer "enough" -- to gently yet firmly remind folks that telling bi peoplel they can't identify as [insert queer term here] has a bad history.
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We do very real harm by telling bisexual people "you do not deserve these words" which is another way of saying to bisexual people "you do not deserve to be a part of our community."
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So if you are being told somewhere by folks that "dyke" is only appropriately used by specific women (setting aside who polices on a case by case basis each person's qualifications...) please stop and consider whom you are being asked to harm. And if you're okay with that.
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And remember that it is OKAY to change and learn and grow and let go. The words you use, even for yourself, today may be different from the words you choose tomorrow. All of the words can be true. 💋
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This is such a real and important facet to remember. I believe 1) that people have a right to self-identify, 2) that we should respect others' chosen identifying words (as we should pronouns, etc.) but there's obviously the complicated challenge of umbrella/organizing language.
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