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fairycakes's profile
Laura Claxton
Laura Claxton
Laura Claxton
@fairycakes

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Laura Claxton

@fairycakes

Comedy writer represented by PBJ Management - DM for work enquiries

London, UK
pbjmanagement.co.uk/artists/laura-…
Joined October 2008

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    Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

    11 years ago I worked in a HMV store and it still remains one of the most surreal employments I’ve ever had. Here are some of the highlights:

    10:16 AM - 30 Aug 2019
    • 24,193 Retweets
    • 102,600 Likes
    • Angry pirate 💙 Chris McLoughlin Robert J. O'Sullivan Robert Osborn Bill Harrison Jay Desai Wes Rashid Hamish Ru
    3,452 replies 24,193 retweets 102,600 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        There was an old man who came in every week asking where the adult DVDs were. Every time you showed him, he’d grab his chest, yelp and pretend to faint, all in a desperate attempt to get one of the female members of staff to give him mouth to mouth.

        133 replies 672 retweets 16,889 likes
        Show this thread
      3. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        A colleague called in one day to say his mum had died. Rightfully so, they gave him time off with pay so he could grieve. Except one day an angry woman came in demanding to see the manager - it was this guy’s very alive mum asking why they weren’t scheduling her son on the rota

        49 replies 864 retweets 20,803 likes
        Show this thread
      4. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        Another bloke got fired because he was stealing money from the til and getting it up to the staff room by hiding it in a ‘keeping up appearances’ box set

        72 replies 402 retweets 12,206 likes
        Show this thread
      5. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        On Christmas Eve a man came in at 5pm and asked if we had the new Girls Aloud album. I said we’d literally just sold out. He asked if I could order it in before 7pm that evening. I said no. He kicked down a display unit.

        84 replies 650 retweets 15,578 likes
        Show this thread
      6. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        Another woman came in and asked if we had High School Musical 3 on DVD. I said it was only on cinema release and wouldn’t be available to buy until next year. She grabbed my collar, pulled my face an inch from hers, looked me dead in the eyes, and said “shitbrain”

        120 replies 1,178 retweets 21,241 likes
        Show this thread
      7. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        One day a bloke came in wearing a pair of sunglasses claiming he was Paul Weller. He asked if he could have a selection of CDs by The Jam for free as he’d misplaced his copies

        100 replies 1,134 retweets 20,000 likes
        Show this thread
      8. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        Another guy came in every week to buy all the new singles in the UK top 40. He was about 85 years old and had been a travelling DJ since the 60s. He hadn’t had any work in years but wanted to purchase all the latest chart hits “just in case”

        201 replies 630 retweets 22,308 likes
        Show this thread
      9. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        One bloke got banned because he kept covering his hands in blue paint and touching the CDs to try and get them for a reduced price as they were “damaged”

        26 replies 534 retweets 14,059 likes
        Show this thread
      10. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        A man tried to get a refund on a Tom and Jerry boxset because the storylines were “repetitive”

        93 replies 2,488 retweets 31,349 likes
        Show this thread
      11. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        One regular customer who looked exactly like the Queen bought The Priests album 4 times. On her fourth purchase I asked why she was getting so many copies.“How do you remember me buying them? Is it because I look like the Queen? Because I get very VERY angry when people say that”

        55 replies 1,241 retweets 24,740 likes
        Show this thread
      12. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        And she did. One day another customer told her she looked like the Queen and she hit him with her handbag

        47 replies 580 retweets 17,926 likes
        Show this thread
      13. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        One woman knocked down a shelving unit of Cheryl Cole books and calendars because she said she had “the face of a bitch”

        86 replies 775 retweets 15,298 likes
        Show this thread
      14. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        A man threatened legal action when he discovered that instead of a staff member ordering him in Candyman: the horror film, they ordered in the CD single of Candy Man by Christina Aguilera

        99 replies 1,397 retweets 21,956 likes
        Show this thread
      15. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        A woman came in 3 times asking me to check the central ordering database to see if she could buy the book the film Mamma Mia was based on

        36 replies 290 retweets 9,478 likes
        Show this thread
      16. Laura Claxton‏ @fairycakes 30 Aug 2019

        Channel 5 news came in to film some vox pops about the X Factor but eventually gave up after everyone they spoke to in the store just ended up calling Simon Cowell a wanker

        351 replies 1,106 retweets 24,951 likes
        Show this thread
      17. End of conversation

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